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4587 No.4587 quickreply   Reply
Evil Overlord List

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration,
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For shits and giggles I'm going to point out a few infeasibilities of this list in a sarcastic manner.

>101. I will piss off every single person under my rule via mass executions, seemingly at random. Pffft, what're they gonna do, REBEL? I'd like to see THAT.

>102. I will rid myself of my own human element, of any pretense of emotion or passion, so all these decrees can be carried without the slightest bit of error, which, of course, can never happen, because it's possible to make my self 100% failure proof.

>103. My underlings will never fail me, ever never never.

Sorry if I'm being a douche about it, but those are the first things that jumped to mind for me.

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3365 No.3365 quickreply   Reply
So yeah. I am trying to get better at sexual tension and working it naturally into a story. I'd love some feedback.

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This is Bob of Bob's fault.

Roberta Gulliman's Day Off

Tappity tappity, tappity tap. Delicate fingers danced across the keyboard, text pouring onto the screen; Roberta Gulliman pursed her lips pale lips(Colorful lipstick was vanity at best, and a waste of money at worst.) as she considered her concluding argument. No, it wasn't right. There was some merit to comparing the Nixon presidential campaign to the unification wars of Bronze Age China, but the specifics were eluding her, and she was supposed to be finished an hour ago. A whole hour. She hadn't fallen an hour off schedule since she was eight; an organized, scientific way of attacking your day was the way to get the most out of life, after all. Still, its not as though she'd be missed, Roberta reflected, staring up at the ceiling so as to ignore the slight pang that caused. After all, it wasn't true! Father might be gone all week at those peace talks with Commander Farsight, but, well, who else would take the notes at the Student Government meeting? Except for Faith, or maybe Miranda if they could get her to come in, or maybe, Roberta's studious features melted into a shy smile at the thought, Isis could get off of her perfect ass and actually...

"Bobbi!" The boisterous voice of Regina Dorn echoed up from the downstairs hall, knocking Roberta out of her distressingly unmutual thought pattern. Father would not approve. Roberta listened to her cousin tromping up their stairs, stomp stomp stomp stomp whoosh bang! Just like always, Roberta reflected, and just like always she would never even entertain the possibility that the accident was her fault...

"You've got to fix that middle step!" Regina enthused(Roberta mimed the old saw to herself, but did not have the courage to say it alloud.), "Bitch is a killer. Come here, genius, I'm desperate for..." Regina, much like her father, was anything but stupid. Her mind was, however, best compared to a freight train; it tended to move very decisively in one direction and it made a lot of noise trying to turn around. All this ment was that she was halfway through the traditional mid-morning noogie before no
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It took some doing, ("You really shouldn't spoil your academic record over this..." "SHUT UP I AM MAKING YOU BREAKFAST BITCH.") but Regina had finally coaxed Roberta downstairs. Alone for a moment except for the coffee maker, the younger Dorn indulged in a sigh. Her friend had always been a bit...structured in her thinking, but a total breakdown over a tricky paper seemed much more like a problem Victoria or that great cow Petra would have. Roberta was always so...tame. Reserved. Dependable.

"Oh." Regina slapped her forehead in realization. Of course the daughter of a man who pre-planned 23 hours of his day would have trouble figuring out how to let off a little steam. "Well, let not be said that REGINA DORN backed down from a challange! Hoo ah!"

Kicking her way out of the kitchen, promised breakfast totally forgotten, Regina collapsed into a chair next to Roberta(Whom, having anticipated Regina forgetting, was nibbling on a piece of toast.), throwing her arm around her friend and relishing the younger girl's discomfort at the physical affection. "Bobbi, I had an idea so crazy, it just might work. Wanna hear?"

"Not particularly. I should really get to canceling those college admissions and start working on my resume for the Shoot-and-Fry..." Roberta did not struggle against Regina's grip, however.

"Good." Regina plowed past petty annoyances like 'consent' or 'zoning laws', just like daddy taught her. "So here's my thought. You've gotten so pent up, that you've actually made yourself sick. Rather than call your best friend and ask for help, your crazy head has decided that sitting in your pajamas and glaring at a cogitator monitor for a week is the best way to deal with this." There was a little real hurt in there, so Regina gave Roberta a squeeze to show that there were no hard feelings. "All this adds up to one thing:"

"Its only one thing." Roberta noticed, "What are you adding it up with?"

"ONE THING!" Regina insisted, as though Roberta had not spoken. "We, my frien
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4565 No.4565 quickreply   Reply
So, /writ/, where exactly do you order your books from when shopping online?

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I usually buy used from amazon or ebay. Or from livejournal.

More common books, I typically get from Amazon. Sometimes for a harder to find book, I go to eBay.

either amazon or abebooks.

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4571 No.4571 quickreply   Reply
I've been a tiny bundled ball of stress this whole weekend. This book was too much for me to take.

I haven't read that one myself, but from what I've heard, I can't blame your stress-bundled reaction.

It was extremely depressing. I bawwed like a little bitch at the end

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4455 No.4455 quickreply   Reply
I feel like the biggest problem with my own writing is I always end up hating it. The more I look at it, the more flaws I see, and it just eventually becomes the most awful dribble imaginable in my eyes.

Anyone else ever feel like that? Does any writer actually LIKE their own stuff?

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Would anyone be interested in IRC? I have the #/lit/ board that no one goes to, the joke being actually talk about books.

Sure. Gonna have to figure out how to use it again, though.

>>4579, ect. The board was originally regged by the cool animu Rizon trolls, but they've more or less stepped down. It's cool to talk about books, man.

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4577 No.4577 quickreply   Reply
The response to >>4383 was great, and by great I mean absolutely nothing. So in that spirit, I'll try a general editing thread.

This isn't for whole stories, you know the drill what to submit otherwise. As before, I'll be willing to personally take any editing sent to my email.

Yay editing!

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4489 No.4489 quickreply   Reply
Anyone know any publications a never-before-published writer could submit stuff to? Short stories and the like, I mean.

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Hey man, I can take a thousand "No's" if I can get a single "yes".

There's a million ways you can go about this.

I always recommend Writer's Market: ( Amazon/ as a basis of publishing searches, and Poets and Writers ( , but the magazine more so directly) to hone in on grants/competitions, and commissions .

In terms of specifically short story stuff, I found this for you, go wild:

Reminds me to make a publishing guide for you guys.

Shit. That's a good ass line! Make that into a Tshirt bro!

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4555 No.4555 quickreply   Reply
Okay so I'm writing a "Time travel cold war" story and I need help and critique for the world creation.

The basic idea is that I'm aiming for the soft, space opera style of time travel and having several alternate histories scheming and plotting against each other to spread their version of history. The story will be centred around a new, unaligned entrant to the cold war and her struggle to keep her home time line safe. You can blame GURPS: Infinite worlds for the inspiration.

And here comes the problem, I'm trying to figure out the factions, once I do that I can work backwards for the history that created them. Here's what I have so far:

Time police/knights - A military police organisation with members from multiple backgrounds, they enforce history as it stands regardless of the moral implications. Need a name for them still because "time police" is about as subtle as unobtainium.

Atherium Empire - A time line where colonial Europe was united after a bloody war and then proceeded to discover time travel. Victorian/Edwardian in style, but not in technology.

Nomads - natural time travellers that move in and out of other societies and periods, trading knowledge and goods, sometimes illegally. Believe in paraincarnation, that after death they are reborn in another version of them self at birth once again and suffer a good/bad life depending on actions in the previous. Haven't decided if this is true or just superstition yet.

Martians - Coming from a time line where man was forced to colonise Mars in the distant past, they still travel to Earth to travel through time as well.

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In regard to the name of the time police, you can't go wrong with an acronym, preferably one that forms some word of phrase of meaning, ex: Time Risk United Technologies and Harmonics (TRUTH)

For the Nomads, I think it'd be interesting for you to mess around with whether their beliefs are true or superstitious. They're off the grid, operating on what governments label "dangerous" methods of time travel for "nefarious" or "religiously-justified" crimes. Then show it from their perspective - they've been time traveling for some time now and know not to meddle with certain things, but that others must be intervened upon, etc. None more noble than the nomad and such.

Would an organization dedicated to conserving timelines to their original states need to have a name because that just sounds like a liability waiting to become a paradox. Maybe just have it as anyone in the know just calls them "the law". How do they deal with deviants to the time space continuum anyway?

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4296 No.4296 quickreply   Reply
I forget, were the cards size of normal playing cards in relation to her in the book?

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The only direct physical description of the cards is them being "oblong and flat" and being capable of reaching roses in trees. But later, Alice picks the gardeners up and puts them in a "large flowerpot," so I'm not sure. The whole thing is about using your imagination, so try not to focus on temporal limitations like size and location.

I can gather that with more certainty if no-one answers for a while longer
There's no harm in asking. As guy who posted:4329 pointed out, it wasn't that clear. It would take reading a good chunk of the book and major interpreting.
Not everyone feels that's really worth doing.

Some people who go on the internet seem to pride themselves on picking up on those kinds of details in works like that.

You actually don't have to be an ass-hole about things like this

I seem to recall that she didn't seem to take the cards very seriously over all, which suggests they were like the size of normal playing cards in relation to her.

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No.4511 quickreply   Reply
  Nazis, doomsday terrorists, and one planet cracking mcguffin can all be found within the 1999 stand alone novel named Temple!



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4435 No.4435 quickreply   Reply
Alright. You guys have been saying that people should post what they've written, so here's a little something. It branches off from another thing I'm working on, but otherwise it's standalone.


Steve-Bot 3363 ceased his movements and stared at the flesh-bag before him. With crisp, shiny hair, and a bright, almost glowing smile, Jake was what most organics considered a charming fellow. Steve-Bot 3363 merely thought he was just another filthy human, undeserving of the control the man had over him and his brethren, and thought it that it wouldn't be that bad of an idea to kill him.

Something, for the ninety-sixth time that day, whirred in his head.

"Oh, hey Steve!" Jake crooned in a very human manner. "Listen, you know the reports I asked you about earlier?"

Of course he knew of the reports! What, did Jake think he was some weak-minded human? Did the man think he would forget something they spoke of not even four hours, three minutes, and twelve seconds ago? Unlike his human co-workers, he was far too efficient to forget something that simple.

"Yes," he snapped, and cursed his creator for having made him with a voice box incapable of showing just how snappy he was being about it.

"Right, well I'm going to need those on Friday instead of Monday, okay?"
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If you're doing a character-central piece, having their psychology in hand helps.

So the whir is the breaking of bad trains of thought?


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4495 No.4495 quickreply   Reply
eBooks and ebook readers. How do you fellows feel for them?

I, personally, like to have an actual book in my hands when I'm reading.

I do too, but I can understand why people would have them, especially if they travel a lot.

I'm waiting for the third-gen devices to come out, but I've heard good things about the Kindle being a free-wikipedia internet accessing hack machine.

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4498 No.4498 quickreply   Reply
So, Dresden Files thread in honor of the latest book that cam out earlier this month.

Anyone else here read it?

I really enjoyed the book, but the cliffhanger at the end if pretty evil. I'm just glad we will get at least a bit of closure in November when Side Jobs comes out.

It looks like the name of the next book is going to be Ghost Story. Also anyone want be to post the Q&A Butcher gave on his site a week after Changes came out?

I have the first book siting on my computer desk at the moment, and will dive into it once I've finished Guards! Guards!

I've heard only good things about the series so far, so I'm looking forward to it.

The comic books actually drew me into it more than the promos for the books/show itself.

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4181 No.4181 quickreply   Reply
I'm looking for some advice.

I used to write a lot, but slacked off over the years. I'm 23 (about to be 24 now) and I'm finally trying to get back into writing, but I find the ideas just don't come as well as they used too.

It seems more like I come up with character concepts, or pieces of unrelated stories. I never come up with a simple story premise, or a properly interconnected series of events.

I just can't seem to write stories anymore. I considered taking a course for fiction writing, but I'm afraid I won't be able to supply enough material to pass it. What should I do?

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If you take the class I guarantee you you will be supplied with exercises. Took a intro creative writing class years ago and the book I had had pictures and they'd ask you to write something about it. Or they'd talk about some aspect of childhood and write about if you had a similar experience. And my teacher who was a writer who had worked in Hollywood always started the class with a quote from someone and we'd discuss things about it.

In other words the class was very nurturing to the creative experience. In fact I wish I could go back and take it again with everything I know now.

Take the class!

Also look up writing prompt sites. They'll give you stuff like 2 old friends randomly bump into each other at a restaurant one of them seems anxious

or the classic 3 noun setup where you just list 3 nouns and try and build something from there. Ex: Sisters. House. Old Chair. or Athlete. Mother. Car.

>It seems more like I come up with character concepts, or pieces of unrelated stories. I never come up with a simple story premise, or a properly interconnected series of events.

Take these, and stop worrying about being a writer. Focus for the moment on being an observational psychologist for fictional characters.

Take notes. What drives them? Why? What makes things important to them? Who do they interact with?

Are their seperate, independent stories REALLY unrelated?

Echoing what everyone else here is saying. Take the class, assuming you haven't already.

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4155 No.4155 quickreply   Reply
How does one go about avoiding writing purple prose?

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Read your text out loud.
Reading well-written books might help as well. You are always influenced by what you read and watch and listen to.

Go through something you've written with a highlighter, marking only the passages where something happens. Leave descriptions, metaphors, similes, and ruminations unmarked. Then cut whatever you would skip if you weren't the author but were reading the book or story for enjoyment.

>Read your text out loud.

In fact, you should do this PERIOD for whatever you write. Formally, informally, for literature, buisness, or otherwise.

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