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 Posting a reply to post #5280

File: 12824628415.jpg-(344.87KB, 921x1192, Calamity.jpg)
5280 No.5280

(Cover Image. Deciding what Calamity looks like is not a responsibility I want, though I suppose making her look just like Serenity, of whom she is a parody, would probably be a bad idea. )


(Panel 1: This page is all interiors. Calamity is in her messy, awesome room working out a bit, but the scene also features cool stuff strewn about the room to amuse the reader and give us an idea of what she likes. Let’s see, maybe over the course of the page there’s a DVD of Scarface, a cracked bong, a fighting knife with a whetstone next to it, a bunch of pairs of ripped jeans, four different colors of Converse All-Stars, a well-thumbed issue of Penthouse, a spiked dog collar, a Playstation 2 controller, the Autobiography of Malcom X, and whatever you think would be cool. Calamity is doing tricep presses with dumbbells. Her face isn’t shown yet, though she’s shown to be in a shirt and sweatpants, and barefoot. In a radio balloon with italics, the theme to Firefly is being piped out of her knocked-over clock radio. You know, the theme whose title is actually “Serenity.” The clock reads “23:20” for some reason)

RADIO BALLOON 1: Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand

RADIO BALLOON 2: I don’t care, I’m still free
You can’t take the sky from me

(Panel 2: A shot of Calamity, now doing dumbbell squats to emphasize some girly parts, face still not shown. Sweat’s on her chin. As the lyrics continue to be posted over the course of the page, we’ll need a little credit in the panel borders to Joss Whedon and Sonny Rhodes.)

RADIO BALLOON 1: Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain’t comin’ back

RADIO BALLOON 2: Burn the land and boil the sea
You can’t take the sky from me

Expand all images
(Panel 3: Now holding a dumbbell at one end, with the other weight dropped on the ground, Calamity’s hand is on top of the clock, presumably turning it off. We now note her sweatpants say “WELCOME” over the butt. There is a brochure near the clock with the words “JOSEPH MCCARTHY HIGH SCHOOL – New Student Guide)

Radio Balloon 1: There’s no place I can be
Since I found-



(Panel 1: Splash for “Calamity #1 – The Worst Girl in Town” with credits. Our girl is looking over at the cheap full-length mirror clumsily nailed to her wall and grinning wickedly. She is making a fist with one hand and holding it up. If you think it’s necessary to intimate the thing, she can be pointing at that fist with her other hand.)

CALAMITY 1: Hey, new school…

CALAMITY 2: Bend over.


(Panel 1: Establishing shot of Joseph McCarthy High School, where the bullshit will go down. It’s a suburban school, well-appointed and in a ‘good’ district, an old euphemism for it being fulla honkeys. I’d like it if the parking lot was shown, with lots of totally unnecessary SUVs in it.)

(Panel 2: Interior of a classroom full of kids who run the whitebread gamut from Mormons in white shirts and ties to a kid with a SRAIGHT EDGE T-shirt. There’s a skeleton so you might think it’s a biology classroom – the damn thing has a leaf over its non-crotch. The main dorks we’ll focus on are at the front of the class, of course; there’s the sole geeky-cute black girl, the unintentionally sexy white girl, and her boyfriend with a terrible teenage goatee. Their names are, respectively, Rayelle, Amy-Jo [horrible play on the character Kimberly’s name] and Erik [even worse]. Seems like everybody in this fucking classroom is talking animatedly and smiling. A caption with an arrow hangs a lampshade on it.)

ARROW CAPTION: Cheerful students who always look like they’re posing for an establishing shot.

(Panel 3: The teacher at the front, Mr. Kellogg, who’s got the creepy, gentle eyes of a child molester, is smilingly gesturing. On his desk are a book entitled ‘Of Pandas and People’ by Percival Davis and a DVD of ‘Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed,’ along with, God help us, a copy of Daemonologie by King James. The caption box points at them with an arrow.)

ARROW CAPTION: Discredited publications.

TEACHER 1: Okay, you rapscallions, time to settle on down!

TEACHER 2: We have a new student joining us today, so we need to make her feel like she fits in by having her stand up and talk about herself in front of the entire class!

(Panel 4: Calamity has thrown the door open, it slamming against the wall and half-covering a poster of a crocoduck. She’s wearing different clothes for school, of course, going for more sex appeal than this place has contained previously. Her face holds an expression of confusion, her backpack is a patched and sutured mess and there’s a hole in her pants right at the top of one thigh, showing that she’s probably wearing no panties. The arrow caption for this one points at Calamity.)

CALAMITY 1 (Small Text): Introducing myself to the class? What is this, a manga?

CALAMITY 2: Okay, sure, why not?

ARROW CAPTION: Fucking trouble.


(Panel 1: With motion lines, Calamity has hopped up to sit on the desk with her legs extended, showing that there’s a used condom stuck to the underside of her shoe. The teacher’s raised one eyebrow but is still looking insufferably pleasant. There’s one more arrow caption, this one pointing to the gross thing on her foot.)

CALAMITY 1: What’s going on? I’m Calamity Hopper, I’m from L.A., I got kicked out of my last school for… reasons. I don’t have a car so suburbia’s gonna be horrible, and I’m terrible at sports, but not in a cute way, more in a debilitating injury risk way.

CALAMITY 2: Also, in accordance with the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006 I’m not allowed to… well, never mind, they’ll probably send home a handout about it. So, what’s up, homeroom? Any questions?

ARROW CAPTION: Condom that’s been under this shoe for months.

(Panel 2: Calamity is pointing off-panel.)

CALAMITY: You there, wearing the necklace I hope is ironic.

(Panel 3: Rayelle the geeky-cute girl has a necklace with beads that spell out ‘WWJD’ in pink letters. She looks disgustingly chipper.)

RAYELLE: If sports aren’t your thing, do you want to join the yearbook committee? It’s a great way to get to know everyone, make friendly and show your school spirit!

(Panel 4: Same as panel 2 but Calamity’s face is now stunned and perplexed.)

(Panel 5: Similar, but she’s now pointing at someone else.)

CALAMITY: Okay, next question. Justin Bieber twink-hair? Noodly arms? Red-haired skinny girl clearly in love with her best friend but afraid he will break her heart? No? Cool, I’m just gonna sit down and ig


(Panel 1: Establishing shot of lunchroom doors. A blackboard explains that today’s special is Macaron-ish and Cheese-Food with Broccolike Vegetable Substitute. People are both entering and leaving. Ash and Misty from Pokemon are arguing by the door, Misty blushing and no doubt feverishly denying the idea that she’s in love with him.)

(Panel 2: The trio of Christian dorks is sitting together at one round lunch table, with one seat left empty. The food looks about as appetizing as you’d expect government crap to be. Amy-Jo is shrugging while Rayelle exposits.)

RAYELLE: I don’t know, you guys, the way she ignored my question made it seem like she wasn’t interested in getting in good with everyone! It’s weird.

AMY JO: Maybe she just didn’t understand what you were saying. They talk funny in Los Angeles –‘making friendly’ might mean using drugs or something.

ERIK: What kind of name is Calamity anyway? Foreign?

(Panel 3: Closer on them. Erik looks particularly worried. Amy Jo’s cross bracelet is now clearly visible. Rayelle’s smile is particularly vapid.)

AMY JO: I’d like to get to know her. I remember how hard it was to be the new girl.

RAYELLE: I’m sure she’ll fit in once she comes to church, the same as you did!

ERIK: We saved a seat for her, but she hasn’t come to lunch…

(Panel 4: Close on the empty chair.)

ERIK: I wonder where she is?


(Panel 1: Calamity is reclining on a toilet seat in the bathroom, smoking a blunt and staring at the ceiling. Her pants are on, of course. She’s not pooping, just slacking. Her feet rest against the closed door. A marker’s resting on her leg and she has clearly scrawled “I’M INTO THAT” in big letters on one wall of the stall. There is also a faded graffito of “Black Leaf is Dead!” on the door. Her backpack is on the ground.)

CALAMITY 1: Whew. Needed this.

CALAMITY 2: Hadn’t made friendly in hours.

(Panel 2: Calamity is reaching into her bag with one hand, has the other on her thigh and is holding her joint between her teeth.)



(Panel 3: An image of her hand holding her school schedule, but from the rear so we don’t have to spend time making up the whole thing. She’s clearly considering her moves. There’s an arrow caption for the schedule.)


CALAMITY 1: Ah-hah. Gym’s next, I can get out of that by saying I didn’t know I needed to bring shorts yet. Music’s in the basement, I can claim I got lost and couldn’t find it. Literature, well, I guess I can get through that by covering my closed eyes with a book…

CALAMITY 2: Shit, gonna be a full day.

(Panel 4: Calamity’s hand dropping the end of the blunt into the toilet bowl between her legs.)

CALAMITY (Off-Panel): Meh. Still leaves time for this…


(Panel 1: Her hand pauses next to the ragged hole near the crotch of her jeans.)

(Panel 2: Close on her face while she looks down and smiles another naughty smile.)

(Panel 3: The hand has slid into the jeans-hole, and there is a suggestion of what her fingers are doing.)

(Panel 4: Overhead full-body shot of her with one hand up her own shirt, the other in her pants, and her eyes closed. That smile is still on her face. It may be too much to ask, but if the neighboring stalls are shown there could be a bulimic cheerleader in one and a girl using the toilet for its intended purpose in the other, though not with anything gross shown. And with that bit of masturbation, the first part of the comic ends.)

CAPTION: To Be Continued

Oh, geez, I wrote this. Me, I did that thing.

By way of explanation, it exists to refute every assertion in Christian 'inspirational' comic Serenity. I was thinking I'd love to read a comic that was 'inspirational' to my fellow rude, perverse sinners. It's just eight pages, which is a third or so of normal script length. Good way to kill time.

File: 128246725330.png-(136.01KB, 800x800, 1277098880738.png)

It's no Will Vandom fucking her mom, but it's a start

File: 12824684067.jpg-(44.91KB, 253x229, croagunk3.jpg)
It's no Whitney seducing Pepper, but it's okay

File: 128247513981.jpg-(179.92KB, 1024x768, 1282463713531.jpg)

File: 128247516178.jpg-(70.49KB, 760x760, 1282467641357.jpg)

File: 12824751942.jpg-(78.40KB, 760x760, 1282471688846.jpg)

File: 128247525444.jpg-(244.90KB, 837x938, 1282471747077.jpg)
/co/ can't decide what hair she should have. What do you think?

Clearly it should change color from panel to panel. No one ever references it and it's never explained.

I'd like to see Serenity peg Dereck. If the bitch-faggot can't fuck then he deserves to be fucked.


extreme changes from issue to issue, but small panel to panel, never going the whole spectrum

File: 128250553041.jpg-(82.89KB, 750x950, Calamilick.jpg)
The rest of the fanart for Calamity so far. We talked about her having a lesbian relationship with her mother in the /co/ thread and... well maybe the story goes into that direction.

File: 128250558260.jpg-(87.36KB, 750x950, calamitysquat.jpg)
Last piece.

I don't know, Gunwild has more tricks than that. Although that is his best one.


This pleases me.

It might sound a bit stupid since his WITCH-fiction also has incest with the mother, but it would fit Calamity since Serenity has a rather troubles relationship with her mom.

Link to this thread, please, so I know you're not just making stuff up that YOU want

I already said this in the other thread, but could you fix this so it looks like her ass isn't prolapsing?

Calamity is trouble

According to the script, "fucking trouble". I just read it again, lol at her calling smoking weed that, I didn't get it the first time.

File: 128281086077.jpg-(110.04KB, 501x757, 039.jpg)
>licking her own sweaty stinky armpits


so no new developments?


I like regular slut Calamity better then sweat and musclegirl fetish! Calamity.

They probably don't stink, fresh sweat and all that.

Who's the artist?

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