This is for the Atrocitus n' Larfleeze webcomic idea that is being tossed around in /co/.I thought I would do the kind thing and post the thread.
Why are we calling this Atrocitus and Larfleeze? It goes so much deeper than that.
ORIGINAL POST:Hey /co/, me and some friends are contemplating on starting a webcomic, and we need to think of material. I know that some wise anons here thought up Murder Burger and there was talks about how awesome a Larfleeze/Atrocitus sitcom would be, and though I could just steal the idea with no worries due to anonimity, /co/ is too nice to take advantage of.So, if no one minds could we use Murder Burger/related ideas for this webcomic?(if we actually work up the initiative to get it started ect.)
there should be an episode with Larfleeze eating Dex-Starr
>>16585 Cut that the fuck out. No vore in our awesome.
"Man, I fucking want a Lantern sitcom soo bad.Lantern corps in everyday situations.Larfleeze and Atrocitus would be the primary focus, with the rest of the lanterns would be supporting characters, good for an occasional laugh.""Naturally.It could follow this basic format:Larfleeze is a greedy prickAtrocitus get's pissedSaint Walker gives the typical "Oh you guys"Atrocitus punches WalkerGuy laughsIt would never get old.""Just as long as it's funny and their Lantern Uniforms are seen under their real clothes, and they're like in a very small apartment in the middle of the Bronx!""Well, aside fom Atrocitus, who has to wear his Murder Burger uniform and Saint Walker who might wear a poncho or some hippy shit, no one else would wear regular clothes. Larfleeze wouldn't have a job, and he'd just mooch of Atrocitus. Pehaps Sinestro would be the manager at a rival food chain. I could see him in a tie...""That would work great.Then an arc where Larfleeze has to GET A JOB DUN DUN DUUNNN to keep all of his stuff for a Crazy Tweest!""Sinestro could be have a classy as fuck restaurant and comes around to troll. Meanwhile, Mongul is trying to buy him out of the company.Dammit /co/, you've got me seriously thinking about this.""Also the super of their apartment who asks for rent is one of the guardians, who is a real dick. And Hal is the annoying guy who lives above them that's always really really loud."" Oh and my final contribution to this idea: The leader of the Indigo Tribe is that one annoying lady the always goes through the drive through that no one can ever understand."
>>16586it's an alf reference, genius.
"Sinestro is the guy that owns the fast food joint across the street.Yellow castle.It has the strictest menu ever, all meat marinated in orphan fear."""WHATDYAWANT LADY?""click clack click click click""MOTHER FUCK DAMMIT GET OUT OF MY FUCKING DRIVETHRU"" "Entire arc on Larfleeze trying multiple times to break into different houses of Blue Lanterns trying to find their rings.""Episode Ideas?Sinestro Hires Larlfleeze to steal the recipe for Murder Burgers. Despite the Red Lanterns efforts he succeeds, Sinestro is triumphant."Now just give me the recipe Larlfleeze.""What?""The recipe, I paid you to get it.""No. Its mine now."Atrocitus [conclusion of 80s cartoon style] AHAHAHAAHAHAAHAH-NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE!"" The way I figure this is, all of thse ideas need to get a drawfag treatment, and /co/ can collectively write and draw this webcomic.""Larfleeze: I'm taking the TV to my room ok?Hal: Well, actually I was planning on watching something toniLarfleeze: I'm taking it, its mine now.*canned laughter*"""Would you care for a sample, sir?""I'll take it.""Take just one, sir""ITS MINE, ALL MINE""Scene with Larfleeze wrestling with some grocer."""-Group is eating dinner-Saint Walker: This salad is grea-Atrocitus: SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR STEAK*canned laughter*Atrocitus: SHUT THE FUCK UP*Atrocitus breathes heavily, clutching his knife and fork tight in his fists*Hal: Larfleeze did you eat the cat?Larfleeze: No.*a cats leg hangs from his mouth, he sucks it in like a noodle**canned laughter*Atrocitus: SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!*He vomits blood over the audience*""Here's another idea, I hope you like it:Remember that incident about the lady who burned herself with the coffee and sued McDonalds? An entire episode, maybe a two-parter just around that.They have to argue in front of the Guardians of Oa. The Litigants have their legal expenses paid for by the Foundation for Safer Restaurants (which has it's entire funds in the form of an endowment from Yellow Castle).An obvious Stand-In for She-Hulk is Attrocitus's Lawyer, but not enough for copyright to be an issue."DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPEN WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO SAY YOUR NAME?""You should see what it's like getting dressed in the morning."Attrocitus is naturally, the least sympathetic defendant EVER."
I guess I'll post some of the drawfaggotry that's been done already
Murder Burger's having some sort of promotion where the first 50 people to order a hamburger get TWO instead of just one.So Larfleeze sends his construct corps over to make sure he gets all 50 spots.But when he gets there, Guy's there ahead of him and he's going to take the first one!So Larfleeze has to come up with a way to get Guy to move. And Guy doesn't even want the second burger, he's just seeing what he can get out of Larfleeze.Ends with such a commotion being made that Atrocitus gets so mad he cancels the entire promotion.
"Larfleeze needs to get a job...I found the perfect ending to the episode. Someone gives him an idea to sell some of the watches and jewelry he's stolen.So he is wearing the "merchant" trench and says"wanna buy a watch"?"Yeah sure""I got a bunch of em, Ten bucks" *pulls up his sleeve to reveal watches*"ok" *pulls out ten bucks*"MINE!"Then he does it to atrocitus:"Wanna buy a watch?""That's my coat""Ten bucks, got a large selection""That's my watch.""So you gonna buy one or what?"""That would still imply giving up the couch. He should be a garbage man. "I like my job. They pay me money to take things."The stuff never reaches the dump.""More Guy Gardner! He should order several pizzas sent to Atrocitus. And Larfleeze shows up and says he'll take care of it--and steals Atrocitus's wallet to pay for it. And just kills the pizza boy anyway. Cue blood vomit.I still like Rage Burger better than Murder Burger, though. Can't we pull a Metalocalypse and have one be the comic name and one be the actual restaurant name?""Combine these two. but make Larfleeze Oliver."Please sir, can i have some more."Atrocitus: No"I won't ask again" *takes it from Atro*A: RAAAAGE!!! VOMITS BLOODLarfleeze tries to take the vomit. Hands melt. "Hmm I seem to have found a difficulty""" Larfleeze randomly comes into ownership of a limo. When Atroc tries to find out how he got it, he sees Larfleeze with a construct of a limo driver driving him through the drive thru in Rage Burger.""There's need be an episode with a health inspector or food critic that goes to Murder Burger and Sinestro's restraurant (Fear Fries?) .Of course Sinestro instills fear/Parallax in the inspector/critic to give him a good rating and shut down the Murder Burger.Then Larfleeze comes in to save the day somehow because Murder Burger is his favourite.Atrocitus is raging the fuck out throughout the episode.Critic/inspector could be Guy.""after sinestro fails, Larfleeze shows up at the end of the episode in a fake mustache & sombrero and introduces himself to Atrocitus as seƱor Healtho inspectoro""Some more good construct ideas would be great.Larfleeze is walking a construct dog.Atroc walks to Larfleeze and yells "WHOS DOG DID YOU KILL THIS TIME?"And something else happens."" Show the kitchen of Sinestro's rival restaurant run by Qwardians who are getting whipped and yelled at by Arkillo.""Episode idea:Hal comes to Murder Burger for lunchHal: Say, Atro, what's the secret of your meat?Atrocitus: WE NEVER TELL AT MURDER BURGER! RAAAAARRRRL! Plus... you don't wanna know.Enter Black Hand.BH: Delivery Mr. Atrocitus!He's standing next to what is clearly a casket.""oh shit, that's perfect.At the Maccas I work at, food for cop's is free.So Guy's constantly stopping by, flashing his badge and grabbing free food (even off duty).Seeing the same cop several times in a night pisses me off, I can imagine how Atrocitus would feel having to hand out free food.""Oh, and for one episode Mongul takes over Yellow Castle, and is actually competent and gets customers, so Attrocitus and Larlfleeze (who is mad that he can't take people's money because MONGUL has it) figure out a way to get Sinestro back."It should have a title along the lines of "Atrocitus n' Larfleeze", except on the title card, Larfleeze has X'd it out and written MINE, and then Atrocitus is saying "HEY, FUCK YOBLAAAAAARRRRHHHGGG""Now imagine if that Cop was GUY GARDNER.""And this pisses Larfleeze off because he's never given free food.""Thus has Larfleeze either dressing like a cop or ducking under the counter as he is using a construct of a cop to try to get food.""Customer: "Can I get some ketchup"Atrocitus: *Gives one packet* "HERE."Customer: "Um, could I have some more?"Atrocitus: *Vomits acid blood on customer* "AAARGH! HERE'S YOUR FUCKING KETCHUP!"""Oh! Idea! IDEA!Murder Burger's having some sort of promotion where the first 50 people to order a hamburger get TWO instead of just one.So Larfleeze sends his construct corps over to make sure he gets all 50 spots.But when he gets there, Guy's there ahead of him and he's going to take the first one!So Larfleeze has to come up with a way to get Guy to move. And Guy doesn't even want the second burger, he's just seeing what he can get out of Larfleeze.Ends with such a commotion being made that Atrocitus gets so mad he cancels the entire promotion."
Of course there'll be some inspired by the Advice lanterns."Park my car, take two spots""Larfleeze took two spots"ect.
Some of the ideas I forgot to add because of Plus4Chan going down were the ones about Larfleeze's room. It has to be messy and full of other peoples' stuff.Larfleeze should be in normal clothes at the beginning of some strips, and at the end, be wearing someone else's clothing.Everything is now caught up.
>>10838677*Cut to a scene Superman's apartment in Metropolis*Supes: Krypto! I got a few presents for your birthday! Krypto?*apartment windows light up*Supes: OH MY GOD!
Some nice drawfaggotry by a poster of the name H.
Over in 4Chan /co/, there was a discussion of what Larfleeze (funny how seldom we call him "Agent Orange", isn't it?) ought to sound like. I recorded, fiddled around with and posted my own suggestion here: http://www.bjorn-comic.com/temp/orange.wmvPeople seemed to dig it, and someone asked me... "I like it. Would you be willing to do Audio plays for Murder Burger?" I agreed, but he never replied. I don't know if this audio play thing is something that's actually happening or if this is just something that anon was tossing out there, but hey, there it is.
>>16599Really awesome, but just a tad too raspy in my opinion, else, it is complete awesome.
>>16600Well, for me, I wanted to give him a really snarling, desperate-sounding voice, like a predatory animal slavering for food. A growl of hunger always at the back of his throat. But that's just my approach.
Someone asked for a customer complaining about Dex-star's hair being in their burger. Sorry if the quality isn't the best, don't have a scanner.
>>16599That was me, sorry about the lack of Reply, I was playing the TF2.I don't know if it can actually be done. We'd have to get other VAs and stuff together, but I think we could at least manage a 5 or 6 minute short.
>>16603 Well, I'm currently working on a number of similar projects; I've got a serialized story I'm writing in chapters and doing sort of radio plays of. Getting different VAs for different parts, theme music, background noise, sound effects and all that. I'm actually quite enjoying it. The only difference here would be to have the original art to play alongside the audio, which is a super-easy thing if you use a program like Sony Vegas Pro.
>>16604 Actually, now that I think about it! Around two or so years ago, I recorded voice acting for a Sinestro character for Mugen : http://dave-littler.livejournal.com/tag/green+lanternGiven the absurdly glacial pace that the development of that character, I don't think it's acually much further along now than it was then, but I still have the half-hour or so of Sinestro dialogue I did at the time, and which I still think is pretty decent.
needs more sexy awesome larfleeze
>>16606That works really well. I think I can write up a few minutes of extended Sinestro-Larfleeze interaction in the next week or two.I've never done something like this before, what's a yardstick rule for pages of script to length of audio? Like, a page every 45 seconds or so?
>>16608There's a different kind of Larfleeze?
I got one. I got one.Larfleeze walks in to MB only to discover Hal and Carol sitting in his spot.Larfleeze: that spot in MINECarol: there are plenty of empty sits today, you can sit anywherezoom in on Larfleezes angry look, Larfleeze storms out of the restaurant.Atrocitus: you'll be sorry.a few days later, we see carol opening the door to her homeCarol: HAL!Hal in bed with Larfleeze: I can explain!also all this takes place in doomzulaverse
>>16612>what's a yardstick rule for pages of script to length of audio? Like, a page every 45 seconds or so?I think the screenplay ratio of one page per minute translates well to audio as well, all averaging out to that in the end after you cut for sound effects and action and whatnot.
"We need to get a nice pitch together and share this with DC. Something like, for an animated TV series called "Murder Burger". which follows Atrocitus an ill-tempered Restaurant Owner living in a very small apartment, who is trying to survive opening his own restaurant chain, accompanied by his greedy dick of a Roommate Larfleeze and their Optimistic yet whiny friend Saint Walker. Many other familiar characters will make appearances like Atrocitus's noisy neighbor Hal Jordan and his strict no-fun landlord Ganthet. Show follows these characters as they try to survive the world, and as Atrocitus tries to keep his restaurant successful against his competition, Sinestro, who is a very sleezy business man always after his formulas.Hilarity Ensues."
panel 1: Atrocitus working grilling some pattiesPanel 2: Sinestro over the counterS: "hey red, I dropped in to check whether this dump is still running."panel 3: sinestro leaning on the counter with atrocitus on the opposite side his mouth dripping with blood, we see the burgers left unattended.S: "congratulations, you officially surpassed my expectations"A: "order or get out"panel 4: same scene except we now see larfleeze entering from the vent above the grill, Atrocitus's acid blood is taking it's toll on the counter.S: "now is that any way to treat a customer"A: "are you going to Order"S: "I'll take a small Murder burger"panel 5: Atrocitus turns around to discover all the patties have been stolen.panel 6: BURNING BLOOD EVERYWHERE
Requires Larfleeze and Kilowog eating contest.Murder Burger ends up out of stock.
This is nice. I support nice things.
I am proud to have been part of this creation.
I remember posting in the original topic--I love this idea. /co/, never change.What about...Larfleeze tries to order a ridiculous amount of food and is kicked out. He and Atrocitus argue about whether he'll actually eat it all, and Atrocitus rages and kicks him out. He keeps coming back in various terrible disguises and gets kicked out every time, until the Flash comes and orders the exact same thing Larfleeze did. Atrocitus thinks he's Larfleeze after getting a better disguise and tries to kick Flash out until he sees Larfleeze standing outside, wearing those fake plastic glasses with a nose and moustache attached. Larfleeze waves and Atrocitus stares at him. The Flash complains about lousy service and leaves for Sinestro's restaurant. Atrocitus RAGES.Larfleeze: "At least you still have me!"Atrocitus: "FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU---"
>>16630I love this one/
I got a mic and can lend my voice to any projects.And I think it'd be funny if one whole plot were to focus around this incredibly shy Star Sapphire who was in love with Atroctius as she watches him from afar and tries to win his love by going up to the counter and ordering something. And EVERY TIME she gets distracted/stopped by Larfleeze or some other random lantern interrupting her.
>>16635This'd work well with the 'overly creepy stalker' vibe that seemed to be the preferred personality during that Advice Lantern run on /co/. Really creep it up, and of course, Atrocious is oblivious to this all and she thinks the burning vomit that eats away at her face every time they meet is just their way of saying I love you (and hell, she's probably got a bottle of it in her freezer that she, uh... well, I'm sure you can imagine all sorts of possibilities with that)
I thought up an awesome way to combine the Health inspector/Yellow Castle and Sinestro owning a fancy restraunt ideas.At the start of the series, Sinestro runs some super fucking suave fancy ass restraunt, and so he and Atrocitus have a kind of Squidward/Squilliam relationship going. Then after the whole health inspector fiasco, Alan Scott(The Health Inspector) shuts down Sinestro`s because Parallax is living in the kitchen. Sinestro is discredited, andnow has to open Yellow Castle.
>>16599 I like it, it sounds great.And this is somewhat off topic, but am I the only one who could totally picture Larfleeze talking like Christopher Walken?
This along with>>16593 Are some examples I suppose of how Larfleeze would just gain clothes.
Recommendation: No Doomzula. That's one of the more retarded things /co/ has created.In fact, this should be confined to the DC Universe.
I'm dumping some of the other murder-burger related memes people made.Star Sapphire:Get job at Murder Burger, to pay for the chains you'll needGuy Gardener:Go to Murder Burger, hold up drive-thruSaint Walker:Pass out anti-acids, in Murder BurgerIndigo:Order Murderburgers, give them out to people in lineLarfleeze:See Saint Walker passing out anti-acids, take them allThat lady posion those burgers! Give them to me!Atrocitus:GODAMN IT GUY, ORDER YOUR FUCKING FOOD ALREADY
Contributing for my pal, Vorked Larfleeze.
>>16643 though i disagree, i do think this shoud be confined to the DCverse
someone had the idea of a background shot with gentleman ghost eating a meal with all of it falling out underneath him. and larfleeze is underneath him piling it into a bag.
>>16644 Panel 3 made me Rofl
>>16644Pure awesome. Just needed some BLOOD SPEW.
For the record, I drew the OP.
saint walker is patiently waiting for his order to be called out. larfleeze takes advantage of this by sitting in the booth behind him and speaking through a Styrofoam cup saying, "number 52".Saint casually walks up to the counter and asks. "Excuse me did you call number 52?"Atrocitus turns around and in a fit of rage shouts "DID YOU HEAR ME CALL NUMBER 52?!?!" blood vomit flying everywhere as he does.saint walker gets the message and goes back to his booth, which he had left his coat in, with his wallet and ring in the pocket.of course by the time he gets back to his booth the coat is gone. a puzzled saint walker stands there scratching is head as larfleeze is casually strolling out of murder burger, coat over his arm and trying on his fancy new blue ring.
>>16651Then you should be our artist!
>>16651oh wow haha.thats awesome.
>>16651Awesome! You used my hawaiian shirt idea!
>>16650 Thanks, man, I would have actually drawn it, but my scanner's kinda wonky. I hope MS Paint will do.
some anon came up with an alternate to the "MINE MINE MINE" oath.The light of dayThe dark of nightThese things belong to me by right!A message to all you lantern swine!STAY AWAYEVERYTHING IS MINE!
>>16657 Doesn't really flow.
I just read some one else's post and if this ever evolves into a flash cartoon, I'd love to do some voices. I've already kind of bragged about it on various streams, but I an pretty good at voices.
I always read Atrocitus in Satan's(from South Park) voiceAnd if this actually turned into a flash cartoon, I'd shit myself in happiness.
>>16660 I see Larfleeze kind of talking like skeletor or cobra commander, I can do those.
i have an idea for a short.Guy gardner is dicking around in murder burger abusing his cop discount and throwing burgers and shit at people.Atro gets pissed off and grabs him by the jacket and throws him out in a fit of rage and blood vomit shouting "YOU AND YOUR GREEN LANTERN BUDDYS ARE NOT WELCOME HERE ANYMORE!!!!!!"So later on in the day, John stewart decides he is a pit peckish and stops by murder burger for a quick bite. He eventually gets his turn to order and Atro responds "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here anymore(as a reference to kicking Guy out earlier)"Johns face molds to an Atro like state and he immediate starts picking up chairs and trays and starts to throw them at the windows smashing everything in sight. during this time the view keeps switching from John to Atro both rageing in unison.eventually John gets bored and just leaves in a murmur of "wouldn't get this kind of treatment at the yellow castle..."finally the Atro looks around at the mess that once was his precious murder burger and one Saint Walker crawls out from under a broken table. "Hey, at least you still have your burgers right?" he says."I supposed you are right" Atro replies as he turns around to the grill as Larfleeze is just finishing off the last burger in the store."FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
>>16589Sinestro place is like Soup nazi place
>>16682A bit ago, we decided it was going to be a fancy restaurant.
>>16732 But it could always end up as a fast food place.>>16638
>>16732"Ah, restaurants are a messy Business. Messy, messy, messy. Someday, someday, intelligent Beings will transcend restaurants... choose better places to eat... But for now the customers insist upon receiving their Orders."
>>16739 once again>>16638
>>16608We need a better drawn version of this.
>>16823Such as this?
>>16829Almost finished...
>>16836Done.
>>16838Oh wow.
>>16592 Needs to be drawn a better version of this
MINE!
FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU WE NEEDED HIM!
I'm sure he is doing perfectly fine.
Sorry to disappoint Walker...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Ill give you 300 hamburgers and a blue lantern ring for his safe return.
Done!
OH U
>>16963I see it now, my entire life I have felt nothing but hunger, horrible hunger possessing me driving me against my friends, my family, the universe.I regret not the lives this thing made me take during all these years that I own it, nay, it owned me.for death is a better alternative to the living hell I have been going through.yet now with the blue light to guide me and the Orange to give me strength I can make this universe a better place for all of us.come brother walker, we have hope to spread!
>>17021
>>17021>>17022That isn't how it would happen!
>>17036yes it is, and then Atrocitus comes inA: "well go spread your hope somewhere else, I just washed this floor"then they both get arrested for possession
>>17021 I may have laughed at all of this if I didn't loathe this meme so much.
Crossovers!
>>17168I dawww'd
needs a special episode where they go to comicon.guy meets some hot cosplayerslarfleeze stumbles into a giant furry gatheringatrocitus findes himself in the twilight panel.
>>17176Why is Larfleeze in the furry patch? Is it because he's particularly fuzzy? Or are we making a bad furry bash that goes over my head because I still don't see what's wrong with them?Atrocitus in a Twilight panel would easily be the best pity genocide.
>>17206because they are the most likely to gangbang him.
>>17176Any Larfleeze idea that doesn't involve him at least getting swag is wrong.
>>17217He steals all the swag, and kidnaps Geoff Johns.
>>17219Which probably wouldn't bother Johns in the least
>>17217how about a failed attempt to get swag.>A: I have an order here for a Mr Geoff Johns, WHERE IS HE ghoughgprioiejhfjscdlkd>guard: panel 2814later>A: YOU! do you know the way to panel 8942 or was it 363?... OH GOD I'M LOST AGAIN GHFEOWFDSHfdfuieuihfdsbyufge>twitard: why would you need anyother panel besides twilight>A: twiwhat?>Twitad: well it's about this girl Bella who...SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE CON>L: I was sure my burgers went through here.>Furfag: that's the most amazing fursuit I ever saw>L: I GAVE AT THE OFFICE, wait what?>Furfag: what are you supposed to be some sort of boar or rat or a mixture of both?>L: I AM LARFLEEZE, but you will refer to me as AGENT ORANGE>Furfag: stop being so uptight, is sounds like you need a yiffing