I considered completely breaking away from/‘eliminating’ my Sage Freehaven identity as much as possible, scrapping my personal Tumblr (by way of deleting all the posts) to start fresh, and basically doing everything possible to disconnect from my Internet past to ‘restart’ myself at the start of 2014.

I would have become a mother this month.

i think i have pinkeye

I had sex with my brothers wife

It's been a year since I left my awful relationship with a girl who couldn't even love herself enough to regularly wash and since then I've been so disgusted by thoughts of her I've been largely unable to find women attractive and think it's shifted me from bi to gay with a fetish for crossdressing.

lol. You guys and your sad shit.

>>387989
tis part of life mang,

oh mine I've found gender identification to be insufficient to describe myself. I don't feel more towards the other just the given one doesn't fit me

IIIIIIIIIIIIDROPPED THE SCREWWWWWIN THE TUNAAAAA

my two main ways of knowing if a relationship will last are whether or not the person is into my nightwing schtick and if i want to do it man on top in the missionary position. i haven't felt like that about anyone new in a long time...
on the plus side, being open about my particular brand of nerdiness on dating websites has actually gotten me MORE hits on them. no surprise, right?

>>387998
I feel bad for you. I have a batman thing. But that's all pop culture now. I don't even feel like it's my "weird thing" like I used to.

Nightwing is way harder to pull off.

>>388004
I have an ass and curves thing,and I realized that cut me out of caring about men, too damn square and no asses

I'm not sure how yo even tell what I like and what I just put up with anymore. Everything has gone murky.

boob

I really like anchovies on my pizza

>>388017
I'm curious about anchovies, but not even sure where I could go that serves it, and I'd have to go out out of my way and get a whole pizza on my own just to try it.

I hope Tooth comes back to NYC so I can get a chance to pipe

>>388057
Put your trip back on, Moe.

>>388058
I'm not Moe

>>388058
I don't want to pipe tooth. I just want to motorboat her titties and then break down and cry while telling her about the girl I have a crush on.

I have a massive amount of racial self-loathing. I've come to the realization that it initially started as something of a bizarre defense mechanism to rationalize how I was treated and what was expected of me growing up, but it's since evolved into actual hatred and has gotten to the point that I genuinely don't think I can ever like or accept myself.

>>388051
My dad ordered an anchovy pizza once from a local Papa John's, but I understand that many place don't carry them anymore. I remember it being pretty tasty, if extremely salty.

>>388072
confirmed for dumbass who doesn't realize how anything affects him or ramifications of blahblah, i mean, really? i don't even understand what you're bitching about except that you don't like people having opinions

>>388075
It took me a minute to realize you were responding to a deleted post.

>>388078
he was bitchin bout people getting mad @ the nsa and saying they deserved to have phones tapped i mean what foo????

I'm gay for you

that weekend meant a lot to me

Anchovies on pizza are okay, I'd rather have Prosciutto

[spoilers]boob

They're still funny.

I have nothing for bronies but I feel really really bad for the actual children who are my little pony fans.

I created the OP pic & every /baw/ secrets thread except this one. The pic is edited from the one I made for /co/ prime when I did a /co/ secrets thread.

This is the background.

I don't hate black people, but after being robbed twice by them, nearly stabbed by another, and humiliated by them as high school bullies, I get uncomfortable around black men, especially if they have that specific ghetto accent. My fists clench up, I grind my teeth, and I want to start punching and screaming at them. Not like screaming nigger, just yelling GO AWAY GET OUT OF HERE. I haven't told anyone because I'm sure it's racist, and I've been able to just avoid this by only meeting black people from the suburbs or from the work my company does with Nigeria.

>>388129
Honestly, I think your reaction is justified, as long as you don't actually act upon it. I would be pretty pissed off after being robbed twice, let alone the other shit.

While I know almost nothing about you, I'm surprised you haven't adopted a totally racist attitude (you know what I mean). I am also proud of you for that. Stay frosty.

>>388130
Black people have done very good things to me too, and I try not to assume anything about anyone beyond their own actions. But I still have that fear, that any black man walking towards me is out to hurt me, and I have to attack them RIGHT NOW before they
attack me, but it's only boiling up for a second. It still makes me feel guilty.

I used to be obsessed with a kids/teens show. I spent a lot of time on the wikia and discovered /co/ through it.
On the wikia (and later /co/), I found people dirty-talking about a certain character both disgusting but hilarious (like imagine me pretending to be attracted to an ice-cream cone; I couldn't see how they could possibly be attracted to the character).

Me being aspie and lacking proper experience with friends at that time, I told a couple of friends about the screen caps I took in the chat and joked about them, and it became an in-joke with one friend to accuse the other of liking the character.

I got over the show mostly, and I think they've almost forgotten I ever liked it (a friend in a different group still knows I watched 'blueberry', as he called it, but he likes MLP so its cool), but it will be really awkward if they ever learn that I later became a furry and fap to that same character regularly.

>>388131
>>388129
I feel the same way about women.

I feel the same way about men.
It's definitely why I'm growing towards being only sexually interested in women.

>>388138
I like it when I get intimidated by girls though, even if it feels horrible at the time the erection is still there. So... still straight.

>>388141
I get that, for me they then get disinterested when I turn it up to meet on that level, dang it don't back down now, I've just got revved up. I really would love a nice rumble, come out with a few bruises showing I gave it my all.

>>388138
>It's definitely why I'm growing towards being only sexually interested in women
Were you bisexual to begin with?

>>388129
I'm a bit like this towards mentally disabled people. In my adult life, I've been put in a number of situations with them, work-related and otherwise, and a large amount of them have greeted me with hostility in the form of racism, religious bigotry, and I was repeatedly sexually harassed by one of them. I reported her behavior, but the supervisors were unwilling to do anything about it.
I don't hate them, and I certainly don't condone any negative treatment of them, but I confess that I do become uneasy around them.

>tooth is gay
Why does this keep happening? This is like the sixth girl I've had a crush on in a row.

>>388145
Net crushing tis serious business Would stretch this joke out further at my expense but, they don't come around here no more so it wouldn't catch

>>388141
Actually on a related subject the fun side effect of it is me discovering/embracing my domme side which I'm loving.

>>388144
Yup. Well, pansexual or w/e you want to call it. It could end up swinging back around to 'regular' eventually I guess.

>>388147
Ultimate Evolution Sista

I think I might be developing genuine pedophilic urges. Kind of a bummer.

>>388147
I've been told that plenty of girls, especially in the bi-lesbian scene, are into the whole dom-sub thing. You'd probably get casual sex on demand if you went to a lesbian bar.

>>388154
Meh, not exactly rare, there are whole economies based on this. Although I'm gonna have to ask you to kindly fuck yourself if you ever even think of acting on the urge.

>>388154
I thought that for a while but it wasn't. Try to change your porn habits (ie. reduce if you fap a lot). It may be acquired or hardwired, and if its acquired you can stop it if you do it right. (A good clue is your age and porn habits)

I'm a habitual liar, incredibly lazy, a horrible memory, have negative self-confidence and hypocritical to a fault.

>>388182
High-five.

I'm dead.

>>388182
You'll fit right in.

I'm in my mid twenties, and I've wet the bed a couple times recently. I had those dreams that I was peeing, and peed irl. These dreams aren't that uncommon for me, but before these incidents, I haven't wet myself because of one since I was very young. Currently trying to pinpoint possible causes, and hoping this doesn't become a regular thing.

>>388205
is it after drinking alcohol? or are you constipated? there's a lot of different things that can cause it, if it's never happened before then it's probably something you can change

i know a guy who wets the bed because he gets too fucking wasted and passes out but lyou just have to ask his drunk ass if he needs to go to the bathroom 'no' 'are you sure'

>>388205
actually loled.

Sorry though.

>>388186
R-right b-back at yea'.

>>388200
I've been lurking since summer '07 or '08 (was plus4chan even around at point?) and noticed just that. But I couldn't bring myself to 'blog' or say anything personal about my self until this thread returned.

[spoiler]I'm in spades with bea. bea is such a stupid dunkass, goddamn. 9/10, would hatefuck.

>>388210

Despite all the bad things associated with marriage, I still want to get married some day.

Me too.

I think the vast majority of problems that occur with marriages come about because

1) People who get married aren't mature enough to do so
2) People get married for the wrong reasons
3) People have this romanticized ideal of what marriage is supposed to be

This is just me theorizing, though.

I hate that being rich, white, and male means suddenly none of my feelings of self-frustration, of inadequacy and uncomfortability with my lack of dependable friends actually matter, because they all stem from 'first world problems' or told to shut up at every turn by my peers. It sometimes makes me feel angry, but more it just digs at me that I can't be the unflappable person people expect me to be for all those traits.

Yes, I'm well aware I'm more better off than starving kids in Africa, and yes they're just a guild on World of Warcraft, but they're still good guildies and I still want to impress them and be part of their group and getting treated like an outcast because I don't just know everything or some small things were unknown before someone pointed them out, and I can't ask them to not call me a shitter or a faggot or a sperglord for it or it'll just keep going.

I hate that it's the same with every social group I know, everyone's throwing around shit and chewing out anything new, and I can't fit in anywhere despite trying. I know I'm not as good as other people but I still wish trying to learn wasn't treated with an equal level of dickery for not being super-aware or following the same blind channels they did.

I hate that sometimes I'll say things because I think it's all in fun but I end up pushing the wrong buttons and fucking everything up, and I hate that it keeps happening every so many months. I can't socialize for shit and then my parents get mad that I don't constantly go, when I just want to be alone until I'm ready to try again on my time. And I hate that the only people that want to hear any of this just want money for the job, and the last person I had for this just bailed on me the minute her shit got in order. Or maybe I scared her off. I don't know.

I want to be someone else. I want to not be me, because I despise me. I'm fat, I have dumb ideas, every 'great thing' I've done was because someone just forced me to do it, and I never get anything done because I'm scared of the future and my head and my place in this world, and it just makes me want to scream and scream until I'm sobbing which I do anyway. I wish I was dead all the time because maybe it'd be less exhausting and scary than thinking about now. But I'm too scared to just do anything there either.

And I hate that I have to take off my name because my history proceeds me and it'd just bog down everything here.

>>388231
>I hate that being rich, white, and male means suddenly none of my feelings of self-frustration, of inadequacy and uncomfortability with my lack of dependable friends actually matter

Stopped reading right there. Barely anyone believes this or even thinks this.

>>388232
Could have fooled me. I talk about this, and it's always 'well don't you see how well off you are? stop feeling so down and think about the positives' with my parents or 'lol quit being a fag' online.

>>388233

Well--

>And I hate that I have to take off my name because my history proceeds me and it'd just bog down everything here.

Oh, Lord, is this Candlejack?

>>388233
"Think about the things that are good in your life instead of the bad" is valid advice. "First world problems" most likely suggests you were wording something in a way that made it sound whiny and dumb instead of like a sympathetic complaint.

For example, rather than "I have concerns about the reliability of my friends," did you word it as "my friends bought the XBONE instead of the PS4 even after I explained to them why PS4 was better. Why must my life be filled with so much suffering?"

>>388235
Pretty much this.

I've had times where I've had serious family issues going on, and I hear someone complain about something dumb like how they aren't getting along with their roommate, and I just sigh and shake my head.

If someone drops "first world problems" on you, there's a good chance you're making a mountain out of a molehill. If you want to feel bad, go right ahead. You should, because we have emotions. But there is a point at which you need to step back and realize things if you have it good. Because if you have it good and things are still bothering you, I'd hazard a guess that you're suffering from depression, and probably need to go talk to a doctor or something.

>>388235
How about this?

I wish I had more forgiving social circles, and I had more courage to speak up and challenge people who give me crap because I honestly don't like it, but I'm afraid that I can't prove to them I am trying to get better at the things we do and they'd see it as whining. I can't say what I want to say, so I often say nothing at all and that feels nauseating to do because there's so much I want to say.

I know I have all these things others don't, but all they do is just keep me focused on how my emotional concerns feel drowned out with 'but you did X, and you went to Y school! Be proud!' Well, I can't know what it's like to not have those be things that happened, so all I'm left with is the feeling that no one has the answer to what is bothering me here and now, or worse wants me to feel bad for them instead because of my gifts. And when I'm upset, all I have to focus on is race status and first world stuff.

I wish I could just speak, just say whatever was in my head, and people would understand what the problem really was. It's irritating that we all have so many filters that I have to reevaluate what I mean, so it gets through to people.

Is that better?

>>388237
I've learned to be over time, everyone has shit opinions about something or another but basically people are good people. If people weren't flawed, what would be the point in taking an interest.

>>388231
I hate that being poor, white, and male means I get treated like a spoiled rich jerk like you. Because obviously all white men are privileged, rich and powerful.

>>388234
>Oh, Lord, is this Candlejack?
Nah, probs Spreeses.

>>388242
>I hate that being poor, white, and male means I get treated like a spoiled rich jerk like you.

Does anyone actually do this? Note that tumblr doesn't count, nor does being told you're privileged (which extends to far more than just money or race or whatever)

>>388231
[specific to online examples only]

why would the people of the group you're trying to interact with even know that you're rich, white, and male?
the latter two are frequently implicitly assumed, but if they know you're rich then you must have told them about it; why? was it relevant to anything? did they have to know? maybe you were just being an attention whore?

if you're not seeing what I'm doing here then you are truly blind

>>388231
jesus christ. i really hope people understand that you all people have legitimate problems and real experiences that should be acknowledged.... but that seems to be the case.

discounting anyone else's experiences because of your own is how a lot of the discrimination in the other direction happens in the first place.

what needs to happen to fix this is for everyone. everyone. everyone to feel safe talking about their own experiences and not be discounted so long as they can listen to other people's experiences.

>>388254
my typing is full of fuck

sorry. basically, victims aren't always easy to deal with, regardless of if their victimization was real or imagined. the only way to fix that is to get people to step up and step out of the victim/perpetrator narratives EVEN if that's what we have and work TOGETHER.

but that's hard. and i sympathize with all sides. it blows. i'm sorry you have to deal with any assholes. especially people who assume you must have it great on the other side.

>>388250
>Does anyone actually do this?
>proceeds to tell me I'm privileged
Answered your own question boyo.

>>388263

Being told you're privileged and being treated like a spoiled jerk are two entirely different things.

>>388210

barf

>>388210
>>388269

holy shit i can cut it with a knife just fuck already

I keep getting crushes on the girls in Plus4chan, and I don't know if I'm just desperate for contact with the opposite sex, or the girls I know IRL in college are as terribly dull as I think they are.

Maybe it's both.

>>388272
girls are so gross why would you ever

especially here what the fuck

I would never even

>>388273
pablo why

>>388274
my life is a radiohead song

>>388272
ain't that the thing, people just seem to be more like actual people here I'd guess.

>>388274

i still love you tooth

>>388276

Do we really? I suppose in a way. This place is still weird. Not to say that people are normal (they aren't) but...I don't know anymore.

>>388276
i've found that most people tend to be people but okay

>>388278
just saying aside from the odd bits on /co/ folks are just a bit more open with things least on /baw/

>>388231
>I hate that being rich, white, and male means suddenly none of my feelings of self-frustration, of inadequacy and uncomfortability with my lack of dependable friends actually matter,
Everyone's problems are unique to them. Just because you're not a rocket scientist does not mean your problems are not difficult on their own, especially as they are relative to your life and your ability.

That said, 2 observations:
1) The qualifyer of "rich, white, male" is usually only presented when white people try to justify inequalities with examples of their own that generally pale in comparison to the amounts of racial inequality in America. It may be wise to examine some of your assumptions about that inequality. This topic is one of those conversation killers that white people seem to stumble over. You have problems, yeah, but the inequalities of the system are much greater if you are not white. Most folks don't want to hear about your problems, because your problems are not theirs. Your problems should be addressed, but appreciate that you will have to be the one to address them, and that most people don't like hearing about other peoples' problems unless it's a problem they fix for money. But trying to compare your problems to being basically profiled by police all day every day is not an argument you can win. It may not make you comfortable but I wouldn't try and defend yourself or make arguments that you don't get a better deal. You do. Whining about it will not get you friends.
2)Lack of dependable friends may be an aspect of your social ability but it may also be an aspect of those friends. WoW players can be a very particular kind of humanity. If you are lacking in player ability, I would suggest studying up. Certain disabilities can be countered with knowledge. However I would also be mindful that these people are not very flawed people themselves. Just because somebody is good at something does not make them a good person. If everyone is *always* a faggot and shitlord to this person or persons, I might reconsider being their friends.

>I hate that it's the same with every social group I know, everyone's throwing around shit and chewing out anything new, and I can't fit in anywhere despite trying. I know I'm not as good as other people but I still wish trying to learn wasn't treated with an equal level of dickery for not being super-aware or following the same blind channels they did.
>I hate that sometimes I'll say things because I think it's all in fun but I end up pushing the wrong buttons and fucking everything up, and I hate that it keeps happening every so many months. I can't socialize for shit and then my parents get mad that I don't constantly go, when I just want to be alone until I'm ready to try again on my time. And I hate that the only people that want to hear any of this just want money for the job, and the last person I had for this just bailed on me the minute her shit got in order. Or maybe I scared her off. I don't know.

Social mores can be difficult to learn, especially if you spend most of your time online where the social rules are much more important than real life. That said, I'd pay attention to those topics or jokes that really crash the conversation. Sometimes it's because the joke was uncomfortable to a specific person, sometimes it's because you dropped an opinion on a subject that marks you as ignorant and because of that ignorance, dangerous, re:racism and sexism. This doesn't mean that you have to "hide" your opinions, but rather you should examine them, and ruminate on why they are offensive. You make friends by understanding, not by offhand rejection. And again, if all they do forever is shit on other things, maybe consider getting new friends. On the internet, it's a bit different. Most people come online to vent or to wind down. A higher degree of shitting on things is accepted, but if it's 100% shit all day e'er day, do consider that they may have emotional issues.

If you want to change your life, that's up to you, but it can be useful to understand how other people live their lives first. It sucks about the therapist but she has her own life to live, dig? Everyone can only help you so much before you have to pull your end of the weight.

>>388278
Some people are more people than others.

>>388312
Haha you replied to it!

>>388324
>Haha you replied to it!

I could say the same about the rest of you mutants

>rich
>CandleJack

Ahahaha! HAhaha!

Wait for it.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

>>388212
Is she jerking off an invisible dick? I don't get it.

>>388410
????????
she's pantomiming wiping tears away in a sarcastic manner, i'm pretty sure
basically the cute pop star version of "poor baby, cry more"

>>388415

Yeah, I'm not sure where you got the idea that it was an invisible dick.

>>388416
A lot of porn have dicks close to faces, with hands jerking them.

>>388421
Well, she's doing a bad job, I can say that much.

>>388423
god, you're charming.

is there any way you can follow me even less on tumblr, because that would be great.

>>388425
Can you be a little more of an easily offended princess?

>>388426
no.

>>388427
I had sex with your plush toys. All of them. Even Thomas.

>>388441
I still need to get my old camel restuffed

>>388445
Be happy to stuff it for you, if you want.

>>388421
that's kind of weird motion to use on a dick though. i wouldn't try that technique unless it was specifically requested. however, every penis is different, and every penis has its own needs, wants, and desires. some of them don't even want handjobs, some of them only want a mouth, and perhaps some of them want some weird side-to-side wringing.

>>388496
You are oddly knowledgeable about the wants and needs of penises. You wouldn't happen to be one yourself?

>>388503
She's the most knowledgeable lesbian on here when it comes to penises, after to Dr. Sivana.

>>388535
Oh man, I totally forgot about Sivana.
Another doctor to add to the +4 Ph.D. Mastership

>>388535
>comrade
>lesbian
pffft

>>388102
And their detractors aren't better either.

once, i was a lesbiain

THOSE WERE THE DAYS MARY HOPKIN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCTbFN0EsDM

>>388625
that was something.

When I was eight, I spun a gerbil by its tail to see what would happen.

It flew out a window of the 5th story apartment I was in.

>>388628

You know how kitties get gunk in their eyes, and it makes their eyes close? When I was six, I tried to clean them out. With a hose.

>>388629
>Tora Dora gets pussies wet

>>388630

i've made several people delete/change their tumblrs and allegedly given at least two of them anxiety attacks. i never feel remotely bad for it because i always pick shitty asshole strangers. it's very cathartic, i think it helps me be better/kinder on the whole if i have somewhere to vent nasty urges.

>>388637
i have a similar desire but i don't do it. you're brave enough to commit and in a position to do it. much respect.

I was once scared by an episode of Scooby Doo. I was 5 or 6, and it had a were-cat and lightning and stuff.

>>388637
That's kind of terrible, but I try to judge on a case-by-case basis.

when i'm even remotely sleepy, i often find myself pondering whether or not ending all human life would be an appropriate way to reduce the pointless suffering of humanity. until i remember that suffering is part of a much more beautiful whole. then i just shrug and keep going about my day.

Buying things makes me feel better.

As a result, I've spent a lot of money on shit I don't really need but like and appreciate.

At 28, I still suffer moderate acne, and I think I am subconsciously trying to stay that way. I get immense pleasure/relief from successfully popping zits, which is a bad habit of mine, and might be a less-bad form of cutting yourself.

>>388614
Unrustle your jimmies.

>>388643
Are you a hoarder? If yes, stop being one. If not, sell your things.

If you learn to enjoy selling at a marginal increase in price, well that's basically a source of income to buy more things.

I get offended every time my mom worries over me because of all the times she made me feel my life was threatened growing up. I worry it's what makes me lash out at anyone who shows me positive regard.

>>388648
Nasty ass muthafucka

>>388637
I'm Alpharius. And this is my favorite post on plus4chan.

I cause bronies to quit TF2 with my venom but I listen to a brony's music on soundcloud because his work is actually pretty good.

>>388648
>might be a less-bad form of cutting yourself
As someone who finds satisfaction in both, especially cutting, the types of psychological pleasure each provides isn't really the same. At least for me.
For me, the zit thing, while satisfying, was a bit closer to OCD. I used to pick at scabs when I was little, and the compulsion to pop zits is similar to that for me.
With cutting, I experience a sort of "high" (a relatively mild one) due to the endorphins released as a response to the pain that I cannot achieve with zit popping. Also, cutting is often utilized as a coping mechanism. I suppose zits can be too, but more often it's just popping them when they happen to show up. Unless of course, it turns out you're getting zits on purpose. I don't know man.

Also, for the purposes of this thread, I cut. I only do it on my chest, stomach, and upper legs in order to avoid drawing attention, but as a result have not been able to go swimming or anything else that involves taking off my shirt and exposing the giant, gross, permanent gashes all over my torso.

>>388666
>when they happen to show up
Except that when I'm alone in any bathroom with a mirror, I always take at least a minute to hunt down anything that might be a blackhead in progress and try to pop it, even if I have no obvious pimples. This often leads to unpleasant wounds, though I have enough to control to put on antibiotic and a bandage to keep myself from picking it even further once it gets nasty enough.

Also, please seek a therapist for your issue. It's a far more severe issue than mine, and just is not a Good Thing.

>>388667
Thank you for your concern.
I do have a very severe, treatment resistant form of depression that I have been struggling with since I was around 13. I have seen some of the best professionals in the state for my issues and have gone through too many meds, therapies, and treatments to count, including several sessions of electro-convulsive therapy and TMS, none of which has helped. Anyway, due to stumping all my therapists and also being out of money, I am doing my best to keep busy and deal with it on my own.
I currently have a job in which I put in a lot of overtime hours, so I am usually occupied. I dislike my job, but it exhausts me to the point that I don't feel like thinking, and perhaps as a result of that I actually haven't cut in a while. I suppose that counts for something, even if I'm still pretty miserable much of the time.

So anyway, I am currently unable to seek therapy. Also, I never really considered my cutting to be a very serious issue--I never cut myself deep enough for it to be life-threatening, or even warrant a trip to the hospital, and I simply use it as a coping mechanism to prevent myself from getting overwhelmed. It doesn't cause any kind of long term damage to my health, and as I've stated before I do keep it discreet, so it doesn't even draw attention to itself like other semi-destructive coping mechanisms such as hair-pulling and nail-biting would. I do understand why some people would find it concerning, but in my particular case I don't feel it's a big deal.

>>388668
You might not feel that way, but people tend to underplay their issues as a coping mechanism. Also, have you tried "other" drugs? Colorado now has marijuana available recreationally and it can be sold to out-of-state folks (though in smaller quantities), so if you're able to get away from work and make it to the state you could give it a shot. I live in CO and am considering trying some to see if it helps with my own depression.

Alternatively, cigarettes or alcohol. None of these three are great and all come with their own challenges, but they can still be less bad than the various results of your depression. If you can get your hands on it, perhaps peyote is something else to try...

>>388670
I'm not really in a situation in which I can get my hands on pot or other drugs, but should that change I will give it a try.

I used to smoke, but haven't in a while as I am trying to get back into working out (when I have time). I do drink occasionally though, and I find that it does help to loosen me up when I am particularly overwhelmed.
Thanks for the suggestions, and best of luck to you in treating your own depression.

The recession is over guys, stop being sad.

>>388670
>Cigarettes and Alcohol
>Good for depression
If I may opinion, as an avid user of Alcohol, Cigarettes and Weed, what you're after are actually the side effects of those products, namely the face-to-face sociality. Cigarettes, which are second only to Meth in terms of addictiveness and badness for your health, often gives you a social space to go and stand around and talk with people, and often a good excuse to talk to other users briefly, especially in noisey-er venues like dance clubs.

Alcohol is less outright addictive, however by the numbers is a little more dangerous in that drunk driving can kill more people than you. Booze itself is actually a depressant, and most of the liveliness you feel when you you drink tends to come from being uninhibited and stupid around members of whatever sex you find attractive.

Weed is good for making you not care about the pain. It is very specifically good for making you apathetic to inner pain while dealing with stuff around you. But eventually that apathy does start to affect your other drives and the weed use itself, in a depressive state, can become a hindrance to eventual healing after a time. It is very nice to forestall things though.

Despite not being an avid smoker and never managing to get high, I spent $130 worth of bitcoins on a vape.

Currently looking forward to smoking everything.

>>388679
Didn't mean he should make them a regular thing, but those three are probably better than the cutting, and not even for the social aspect. Nicotine might calm him, weed does as you said, and I find alcohol to be calming. The few times I've drunk enough to actually feel a change, it basically made me slow down (it is a depressant), but an important part of that is that it made my mind kind of blank out. A large part of my depression is just having one huge stream of consciousness; I can never make my brain just shut up, which I think causes my mild insomnia. I still have thoughts, but they come far more slowly and so it takes much more for me to get to hating myself and remembering moments when I've fucked up. Doesn't help if I'm that way at the start, though, so he'd need some sort of distraction before imbibing.

But I'm just an internet armchair pharmacist, so any suggestion I make should be taken with a grain of salt.

>>388682
I don't think cutting has too many giant negatives except for the pain, the scars, and the potential to cut ever deeper and actually hit something important and bleed out before anyone can get to you. Though I do feel like the cutters I've met IRL could've really benefited from schmokin a little herb. It's about as good as it gets for balancing drug addiction with everyday life, and the highs are incomparable, seeing as weed involves almost no pain. Smoking is not a good habit, even with Marijuana, which smoked straight has carcinogenic intake similar to a pack of cigarettes in terms of gunk lining your lungs. The difference is that THC seems to have certain possible anti-cancer properties, and can also be ingested through vaporizers, which lesson the harmful carcinogens (and butane) from entering your lungs, or edibles.

I don't condone drug use while operating heavy machinery, firearms, cars, knives, fire or dangerous ideas but it has always worked for me. I really like what Kat Williams said about it though: "if you tryina get a job, by all means make that paper boo-boo. But if you ain't doing shit with your life, sit down and smoke you some weed and see if that don't change your perspective on things."

>>388682
Also, while the effect of Nicotine appears to be calming, that's actually the sensation of you feeding the addiction monkey. The physical effects of nicotine tend to behave more like you're becoming more stressed (increased blood pressure, lack of oxygen, etc). Alcohol is nice but I find it's better used to affect social situations. If you want to find that inner peace, I would actually recommend mushrooms or LSD, which still tend to exist in the "relatively safe drugs" area, mostly because it's insanely difficult to really overdose on them (people with a family history of mental disorders should still tread lightly, and I would not down a whole 1/8th of shrooms your first time, but under pleasant conditions the experience can be quite eye-opening). I might also suggest meditation of you're disturbed by stream of conscious. Sitting down and just letting my thoughts flow with my eyes closed did actually help me clear my mind. I have not tried directed meditation, merely unguided thought release.

Cutter here. Thanks for all the input. I actually have some plans in place for self-treatment and if I should experience another crisis--none of which include drug use. I didn't mean to take up as much of the thread as I did.
I am fully aware of the negative consequences of all the things mentioned. I know that alcohol is a depressant, and I use it very sparingly. I have not smoked in over a year, and have no plans to start again.
I do think that socializing would do me some good, and I plan to go to some meetups if and when I find the time.
Again, as stated before, I'm kind of in a situation in which I'm left to my own devices when it comes to treatment. And again, I don't consider the degree to which I cut to be an issue. I am doing what I can to cut down on the self-harm however, and it seems to be working.
Thanks again for the info, and best regards.

>>388680
>$130 worth of bitcoins
That's like what, a tenth of a coin by now?

>>388694
I gambled/gave them all away when they were worth $3 each.

hahaha idiot, you could have been a millionaire now

>>388702
hey don't make fun of moe for making incredibly poor financial decisions

>>388703
can we still make fun of him for everything else

>>388704
it'd be a bit of a waste not to i suppose

>If I still had my bitcoins, I could have payed to have all of you killed.

>>388712
Or bought something from Tiger Direct, they accept those now.

>>388712
>>388716
So, bitcoins are now a real deal and not a fedora dude joke anymore?

>>388718
Overstock.com and a few others do now, too; not directly, they use a third party processor to convert them to USD, but short of a huge crash it's not just some libertarian wet dream anymore.

Porn sites are trying to incorporate them as much as possible, because dealing with government and CC companies are a bitch for them.

>>388719
Sweet delicious crypto currency. Bet I hope its bolstered against the banksters and washington, they don't like being cut out of the loop.

>>388718
They pretty much became a legit digital currency when paypal accepted them.

>>388720
It's kind of hard to deny the security they offer to exchanges.

Consider how much money goes into designing and printing bills that can't be counterfeited.

>that can't be counterfeited
*that are difficult to counterfeit for 99% of the population

>>388723
Ah, but we're getting into politics here. Back to secrets.

>>388723
cept one high school kid with a printer every damn time they release some new "supernote" I'm cool with Bitcoin and its siblings being the progenitor to the "credit" standard.

>>388722
What is this nonsense?

>>388726
The Future, Bitcoin super serious, super secure.

>>388723
>difficult to counterfeit for 99% of the population

It's also computationally difficult. Which is really kind of a crux of security all told. Our weird kind of "world peace" is in part enabled by distributed cryptographic standards.

>>388726
>It's kind of hard to deny the security they offer to exchanges.
>security
Bitcoins are impossible to falsify.

>>388753
yeah I'm not sure how you'd go about falsifying something that is essentially a cryptographic hash

A good number of the sites I go on have dating service ads for men specifically looking for Asian women. I have absolutely nothing against interracial relationships by themselves, absolutely nothing. But the idea of people seeking out mates PURELY based on racial FETISHES never sat well with me.
To tell the truth, I'm not even entirely sure what to make of them, as I have no racial preferences myself. I have known someone who used to only find women of a certain race attractive, but after a lot of soul searching and reflection he claims to now find all women equally attractive, and his earlier bias was due to subconscious hang-ups he had that he wasn't even aware of. I suppose this confession of his helped shape my perception of people with racial fetishes, though I realize it certainly doesn't necessarily speak for all people with them.

It's just... my little sister has been getting some creepy guys with yellow fever constantly hitting on her. And in some of their flirtations, they'll make it a point that they'll "treat her better" than people of her own race, and they always assume that she's demure, obedient, and submissive. I know that part of my discomfort is due to my "big brother instinct" kicking in, but I know that I wouldn't be this uncomfortable if the blatant fetishism wasn't a factor.
It occurs to me that it could possibly be considered somewhat sexist as well, as they are idealizing a type of woman they consider to be submissive.

Again, I know this line of thought doesn't apply to everyone with racial fetishes. I just confess that past experiences have kind of colored my perception of them (I've had a couple of unpleasant experiences myself involving a batshit crazy otaku chick, I've known very unpleasant people with fetishes who were very offensive in the way they went about them, etc).

So yeah. I guess I'm confessing this here because I'm one of those morons who apparently sees injustice where no one else does, I feel like venting while not wanting to cause a shitstorm, and I'm ultimately unsure if any of my perceptions are justified.

>>388827
nah u rite

>>388827
>complaining about white guys hitting on asian sister
>calling them racist and sexist
lold hard. Maybe thinking she needs you to arrange relationships for her is sexist, and classifying the guys who come onto her by race is racist?
Form an Asian KKK where the robes are yellow and curbstomp any whites which come near. Or keep sister in basement until you can ship her to a pure aryan asian country.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sampling_bias

>>388830
>Maybe thinking she needs you to arrange relationships for her is sexist, and classifying the guys who come onto her by race is racist?

damn son can you read

>>388831
Pretty sure he's trolling to some degree
That being said, 5/10

>>388835
I love that we are rating posts now and that apparently somebody or somebodies not Moe are trying to troll

But yeah anyone wearing their fetish too far out on their sleeves are not to be trusted i.e. 1st generation furries.

>>388827
so is your lil sis single cuz i'd turn that sideways vulva straight back to vertical

>>388827
Racial preferences based around the idea of what their personalities are like are stupid. Really stupid.
>>388840
o u

>>388835
I love that anyone you disagree with is trolling now.

Don't even have to think or read peoples posts, just go "hurr 5/10" and go jerk off to vines or whatever.

>>388848
Down to a 2/10, not even him. Quit while you're ahead.

This has less to do with someone disagreeing and more to do with the fact that the troll isn't even responding to a post and made a silly strawman. You don't seem all that intelligent so I fully expect you to come back and miss the point again.

>>388849
-9000/10

>>388852
Do you have any idea how mad you were going, sonny?

>>388853
Tell me more. Maybe some more ratings to make you feel like you're contributing.

>>388855
So wait, you want us to take that comment about being sexist and racist seriously? Because that is a false dichotomy. Worrying about a person a family member may become involved with is perfectly normal, especially if the person in question is making assumptions about the family member without really knowing them. Classifying guys who come onto her by race isn't racist, the guys who are coming onto her based solely on her ethnic background are racist.

I'm not particularly sure if you're trying to stir shit or if that is your honest opinion. If it is your honest opinion, you may want to examine it as it contains very serious logical flaws that will eventually hurt you and the ones that you love. If you're just trolling, you win, I guess? I'm not mad or anything but I did respond, so, good job, golf clap. Is that really all trolling boils down to, fishing for responses? Sad way to live life, but I guess we all have to get our kicks somehow.

If not all feminists are like that, why do you never do anything about the ones that are so freaking psycho? Cleaning house of the crazies instead of just pretending they'll go away gives the impression that you want them to stick around, because secretly you actually agree with them.

Same shit with 'not all Muslims are like that'. Or 'not all Christians are like that'.

>>388857
Correction, I meant NOT clearing house implies all that. That whole sentence was weird.

Goddammit, I hate it when this happens.

>>388856
Thank you for your input. But just to clarify, I haven't been classifying the guys by race, and I never specified that it was white guys who were repeatedly harassing and upsetting her--I would have just as much of a problem with Asian guys who'd make the same assumptions. Not that I mean to say that you were implying otherwise.

>Worrying about a person a family member may become involved with is perfectly normal, especially if the person in question is making assumptions about the family member without really knowing them
I suppose that's kind of what I was pondering. I don't consider myself overprotective, and I don't interfere with her life--she's an intelligent person and can take care of herself. I just dislike seeing someone I care about get harassed, especially over something that she takes issue with.

>>388857
>>388858
who are you talking to

>You tube changes again.
>This time adding another click to get to things.
Why.

>>388867
Wrong thread.
Delete function broken.
Oh well.

>>388856
I'm sorry, are you implying she gets no weird latino, black or asian suitors? See the info about sampling bias nicely linked for you a few posts up. Assuming they both live in a western country the vast majority of the guys approaching her are going to be white in either case, meaning she's probably going to end up marrying a decent white guy. So it's kind of racist to say "hurr whites are bad" in face of that reality.

Also this isn't just about his sister, he goes on to dismiss all interracial dating as fetishes, and bash it. How is that not racist you dink?

>>388883
See
>>388863
Also, I'm not sure where you're getting the impression that all interracial dating was being bashed. In the original post he stated he had no problem with it. It was made kinda clear that it was only an issue when extremely blatant fetishism and stereotyping was the focal point.

>>388883
>I'm sorry, are you implying she gets no weird latino, black or asian suitors?
>"hurr whites are bad"

Your trolling is down to a 1/10 at this point. You keep arguing points that no one is making. Also, why do you keep bringing up white people? You're the one who introduced white people to this argument. He originally didn't say anything about white people.

I've started eating paper again.
The graphing paper that work supplies is especially tasty.

>>388928
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pica_(disorder)
?

>>388885
>In the original post he stated he had no problem with it.
When someone says the equivalent of,
>I have no problem with <xxxxxx>, but
The but is a clue that he's full of shit, imagine how his comment comes across to people in interracial relationships themselves. He's putting their entire life down by implying they're together because of some disgusting and dehumanizing fetish.

>fetishism
99% of the dating scene is based on it, speed or blind dating there's no way to learn anything about someone so you're forced to do it based on appearance, club dating you can barely hear the other person so it's all based on looks, and especially online dating. Websites have you fill out stats like height, weight, eye color, hair color, etc... pretty stupid thing to complain about in general.

Might as well say "I hate any sort of dating but between people who were previously close friends adurrr", it may be equally stupid but at least it's less offensive.

>>388930
lmao he's still going

Of course he's just going to post another reaction image and get mad again. Has anyone ever told you the value of quitting while you're ahead?

>>388932


Yes you should, Pica can lead to all kinds of physical maladies and if you are ingesting socks then it likely could be

>>388931
Not the same guy.

>>388932
OK eating paper I get, lots of kids do that before they learn better. But eating socks?

Also eating paper is so healthy people pay for it.

>>388934
>Not the same guy.

lol

>>388929
I think it's more stress or anxiety related
Should have mentioned the socks, too.
Thinking I should see someone about this

>>388934
Socks, string, bits of skin when I was younger, which was really hard to break and I still get "itches" sometimes.
You know that fuzzy lining in some hoodies? For cold winters?
Or the fuzzy bits that grow on old sweaters? Pills, I think?
Yeah.

>>388935
>Now with more cellulose.

>>388937
Have a mod test it you paranoid lunatic. Are you for serious?

>>388939
lol

>>388940
I'm the guy who posted >>388830, and I'm not any of these guys >>388934 >>388930

lol

lol

>>388941
uh huh

>>388930
Who said anything about him judging people already in interracial relationships? He's upset because his sister is getting harassed.

He also made the distinction between relationships based solely on fetishism and those that are not. You're the only one here implying that it's all based on fetishes. He also seems to recognize that racial fetishes aren't limited to people outside of one's race, as he said he'd have just as much of a problem if an Asian guy gave her the same treatment.

Also, I think most of us are aware that a great deal of scenes and industries thrive off of stereotyping and things of that nature that aren't entirely politically correct.
That being said, all he did was state that it makes him uncomfortable for a number of reasons. He's stated he respects people's decisions, and he has no desire to control them. Are you trying to argue that his mere discomfort that his sister is getting harassed due to race is unjustified?

When I was younger I worked with a ranch, and there was a really affectionate mare who liked resting her head over my shoulder and I'd pet it and it felt really, really good, and then one day I popped a boner. That's the end of the story, I just got a chub from snuggling a mare, but ever since then I've had these really romantic notions with horses. Not like MLP shit, I mean real-life horses.

I keep having dreams about living married a horse, a talking one that sounds like Emma Thompson or some other sophisticated lady. We're not like, passionate lovers, more like some kissy cutesy couple, and she's made a nice English Breakfast. I don't know how, the horse just did. And then we ride into town, think about where to go for dinner or talk about neighbors, and then I wake up and feel sad for some reason.

>I keep having dreams about living married a horse, a talking one that sounds like Emma Thompson or some other sophisticated lady. We're not like, passionate lovers, more like some kissy cutesy couple, and she's made a nice English Breakfast.

I'm constantly in a state of sucking my gut in when I'm in public.

>>388977
Ironically flexing your abdominal muscles (sucking in your gut) repeatedly can give you fabulous abs. It's how Schwarzenegger got them back when he was modelling.

>>388977
>>388983
exhale all the airinyour body and suck your gut in hard while/holding your breath for as long as you can. It's LEAGuES better than crunches.

>>388975
i love this website

>>388975
Best post of all time.

I don't like women when I think about them as 'women' anymore.

I don't have a problem with them as platonic friends or coworkers, or family and teachers and just people. But when I think about them as WOMEN, I start getting a distaste for most of what they're doing. Especially if I find them attractive. I see a pretty woman, and my brain switches to 'she is not to be trusted and has terrible ideas, AVOID HER'. It's not like even a bitterness 'nice guys finish last' thing, I get compatibility and agency and relationship 'stuff'. I just have built up this hate for women I like physically. I want to stop thinking like that, but at the same time it's making college much more comfortable, not fawning over people anymore, just walking around assuming the worst of everyone.

I don't know if this has to do with all four women I dated ending up
-cheating on me
-cheating on some other guy with me
But I guess it might.

Oh and if you're a woman on this site and we're not on good terms, it's got nothing to do with this cycle, so don't worry. I don't have feelings for anyone here.

>>389822
Well women do cheat more often than men (study for married couples husbands cheat 27% of the time and women 40%). I think this is because it's just easier for us to masturbate away an orgasm every time we feel stressed, and it takes like 5 minutes tops.
Some women don't orgasm for DAYS, no wonder they're wound up all the time.

Either way, if you like it, put a ring on it, and watch it closely. To avoid getting cheated on, here's a list of the top justifications women give for seeking sex outside of their committed relationship:
1. He fails to provide adequate financial resources for the home.
2. He is emotionally unavailable. Doesn’t talk much or fail to communicate.
3. He is unaffectionate.
4. Sex with him is robotic or not satisfying.
5. He is rarely home.
6. He doesn’t compliment her, yet other men are always telling her how beautiful she is.
7. He has an alcohol or substance abuse problem.
8. She believes that he is cheating.
9. He doesn’t support her dreams or goals.
10. He doesn’t like to socialize.
11. He is addicted to gambling.
12. He is physically abusive.

>>389825
>(study for married couples husbands cheat 27% of the time and women 40%)
that is absolutely the most depressing statistic i've ever heard and i really hope it isn't accurate

>>389825
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/03/22/how-common-is-cheating-infidelity-really/

>Taken together, in any given year, it looks like the actual likelihood of your relationship suffering from cheating is low — probably less than a 6 percent chance.

>But over the course of your entire relationship, the chances of infidelity may rise to as much as 25 percent. Twenty-five percent — over the course of an entire relationship — is a far cry from the 50 percent number we hear from many so-called professionals and services trying to sell you something.

>Put a ring on it and watch it closely
If you have to watch her closely you shouldn't be putting a ring on it. If you are rushing to put a ring on it in any regard, I would heavily reconsider. From where I'm sitting, divorce rates are skyrocketing because people are rushing into marriages just to do the dumb shit they should've done on the second date. If you don't think you can ever really trust your partner, then you should not be slapping "til death do us part" on that shit.

>>389822
So, you're actually afraid of your own erection. Or your own lust, rather. Given your past relationships, that's not really surprising. The hatred you feel for women is a reaction to your lust, which is not a reaction you can control, but you can control your reaction to that reaction, dig?

For the girls you cheated on other guys with, you enabled that cheating. It takes 2 to tango, friend, and if they really were doing the whole monogamy thing, they should've broken it off before they ever got to the point of trying to tempt you into it. But people are people, people want to avoid pain while maximizing pleasure. In the end that just causes more pain, but lots of folks are bad at seeing that. The girls who cheated on you, yeah they broke your heart. But where were those relationships really going? I'm not saying they're good people, but they had reasons for doing what they did, even if those were immensely selfish reasons.

Look, don't turn your hatred of yourself outwards towards women. And don't hate yourself for finding women attractive. Don't assume that this all happens in a vacuum, and that every girl is just a bag of hormones waiting for the right dick, and not a person. Just temper your reaction. You can be attracted without acting on it, and you don't have to separate the ideas of "colleagues" from "women".

What you're going through is not exactly original, and while you may feel powerful in your hatred, know that it will ultimately just leave you weak, hollow, and alone. Alone can be good at times though. Give it a little while before you try to jump back on the dating horse.

>>389829
>future cheating victim detected

>>389838
He's not wrong.

If you have to stalk your wife to keep peace of mind, maybe you shouldn't get married. Or date. For everyone's sake, yours included. I can't even begin to fathom why anyone would think that's a good idea.

>>389839
Big difference between stalking, and being aware of the possibility.

fucking jody

>>389843
I don't know what you expect anyone to think when you tell them to keep a close eye on your significant other. It sounds downright creepy, controlling, and obsessive.

Not to mention, thinking like that means you're being untrusting as hell, and that has no place in a marriage or any other intimate relationship with another person. To live by that logic is saying, "I don't trust you at all."

If you're going to be that obsessive over a boy/girlfriend, then don't get together in the first place. I'd go nuts if some woman thought she had to keep tabs on me all the time just so I wouldn't cheat. Not to mention be outright insulted. Aside from the fact that I'm a grown man and don't need people watching me like a hawk, that's also saying to me that I'm not to be trusted at all.

>>389845
>I don't know what you expect anyone to think when you tell them to keep a close eye on your significant other. It sounds downright creepy, controlling, and obsessive.
>expecting significant others not to care who you hang around with
>expecting no jealousy whatsoever
Are you planning to date a robot? Jealousy goes hand in hand with love, friend.

>you're being untrusting
>expecting absolute trust as a given
Some level of initial trust is understood, but ABSOLUTE trust is earned over a period of decades, buddy. It's not a precondition to a budding boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
I mean fuck, that's like meeting a girl and saying "hurr if she doesn't immediately merge bank accounts that's saying to me that I'm not to be trusted at all".

>If you're going to be that obsessive over a boy/girlfriend, then don't get together in the first place.
Oh wow! If you need that much freedom and lack of commitment in a relationship to feel comfortable maybe you shouldn't have a relationship in the first place.

A girlfriend is not a fuck buddy or a masturbation aid.

>>389847
>I mean fuck, that's like meeting a girl and saying "hurr if she doesn't immediately merge bank accounts that's saying to me that I'm not to be trusted at all".

It's nothing like that, especially considering we were talking about marriage. Also, bank accounts and shit are a separate issue entirely.

>A girlfriend is not a fuck buddy or a masturbation aid.

Your entire post is lol, but I'm not even sure what this point is related to.

>>389847

you sound fucking insane

>>389851
More like anon needs someone equally insane to fuck.

I realized today that I would perfectly happy to live in a world where I owned a slave. Not a sex slave, literal slaves.

That because I was born someone of good standing, of the proper race and gender, I had the power to directly run the lives of others as divine writ and law approval. No consent or contract, I had the power of another in my hand. It's actually sort of a prideful rush. No matter how bad I am, or how much I failed, I would be better than others because of things I never did. That power would be amazing, living assured that you are permanently better than many other people.

If I, living in a world of equality and the belief in the drive of a man's own worth by their own character, could see the allure of that ancient power, is it any wonder we've only now started to collectively agree people shouldn't have that power? We all act as if time only matters from around the fall of the Roman Empire on, but we've been around for millions of years, how long in that scope have we all decided to mostly say that people owning other people is a bad thing. Is it any wonder we haven't worked out the kinks yet? Is it any wonder that our empathy hits so many brick walls?

The scariest thought is the idea that someday we all just decide the old way was better for some reason.

>>390252

>>390252
This is why we need to hurry up and build robots to do all our work, so humans can spend their lives in one giant orgy.

School will only have two classes: Robot Maintenance and The Kama Sutra and You (those with AP placement can take Beyond the Kama Sutra)

>>390262
Yeah sure. Do that.
Then when we're all tired out from all the sex, the robot slaves rise up and over throw humanity. Making you the Robo-King with your toaster sidekick. Giving you the freedom to make the largest harem that ever existed, taking all the orgy's for yourself. I'm on to you pal.

>>390264
I've never understood why people think a robot uprising is likely or even necessary. Robots are essentially immortal (as long as robots that repair other robots are made), and humans are most definitely not. Robots just have to wait and the humans will die off themselves with no need for the robots to waste precious cycles on destroying them.

>>390265
If they don't consume any resources, sure.

>>390265
The robots would "die" at some point

Partially because I suspect something in the chain of repair robots would break. And also because they'd require infinite resources to run forever. Oh, and there's that whole thing about the entire Universe being destroyed. That would put a damper on things.

>>390268
They could be made more robust than humans, though. Better suited to interstellar travel, certainly, unless we find away around the limitation of lightspeed or become unaging and are really easy to entertain for centuries to millennium.

>unless we ... are really easy to entertain for centuries to millennium.

I don't know about you, but I could probably spend a couple hundred years watching anime, playing video games, and eating junk food, all day every day.

>>390264
<i>FUCK</i>, we've been found out, T-104! Plan B, Plan B!

>>390270
Yeah. I might get lonely, but there is no shortage of ways for me to entertain myself so long as my basic needs are cared for and I have a moderate computer. Humanity could stop producing any kind of entertainment right now, forever, and I'd still be more than I could consume in the remainder of my life.

I have anger and nowhere to put it.

I want to just talk and talk and talk and just have someone understand that because I say the things I want to say it doesn't mean I am convicted in them. I don't like having these thoughts, these reactions, but every way of just bottling them up makes it worse. I don't want these emotions, but I feel under attack to be not only better, but more humble, more self-affacing, more almsgiving, more and more and just work and work for everyone but myself while remembering that I'm an oppressor, I'm part of a people that explictly went out to fuck the world just because we could.

And then there's a thought that maybe they don't deserve it. All they do is beg and point and scream and moan while they want more and more and more. And I don't want to save the world anymore. I want it to burn. I want all these niggers shucking and jiving and playing their shitty UHH UGHH UHHH RIMSSSS G music that hurts my ears to squawk wtih their necks pslit for all the vilence they throw out and every rape cultre screaminag feminaatyst to just be split open and brrraena counts so they never passon their whinig shit agin whiech was lla just an xcuse to drainme dry andn leav for someon els and everybody lef with a work etihsc can yjoin the civilized world and make something of thesmelves and not be a pathological drain who get away withit because their empathy thought they were cute nad now they want to kill me and i have to kill them first i cant be save unless thery all just die right now or are so far away in theitr muck they can't uuhrt me

I don't want that in my head, I want to be able to just look at individuals and be happy for what we do but all I feel is just anger hot and locking and I can't talk to anyone because they'll just say it's wrong and abandon me. I don't want to hate women, I don't want to hate balck people but everything I've tried so far just makes it worse, with some sort of thing about hating who I am because of my past and it wil lbe fixed if i give energy to them but I don't trust them to not hurt me and I know it's not real but what if it isnt what if they awnt my flesh and to burn my and my peopel down and everything is true and they hav e to be stopped hnow RIGFHT NOW

I can't get it to stop. I can't get the anger to jus tgo awway for good. ANd it FUCK FUCK FUCK I want to be a good person I don't want tese things in my head but no one's said anything yet to make it stop wherers the cure, where's the thing that mkes it stop

>>390278
There isn't anywhere to really "put it". There is no easy answer for letting go of rage except to let go of it, and even that isn't a simple proposition.

Your perceptions of these people that you loathe so dearly are often misperceptions, and they are often fed to you by other people who hold those same misperceptions. These people you hate, they are simply demanding the same respect that you are given every day of your life; the right to exist as they please and be respected for that existence. Yeah, some kid may play his music loud, and some of the SJWs on tumblr may scream about using correct nouns that they made up, but these sorts of things are trivial, and do not reflect the actual realities of the world.

Look, some people will always want to hurt other people, and they may use their ideological platforms to do that. Taken altogether though, there is no conspiracy against White Males. White males are the ones who undercut themselves by thinking that shit, and re-enforce their own paranoia by spreading it around. What do you think is going to happen? You're going to have your dick cut off because you're more sensitive to other peoples' needs? That's ridiculous, and in the event of bodily harm, you still have the right to defend yourself. But do ask yourself why you feel like these people are taking something away from you? Is it your masculinity? If treating people decently is so threatening to any one part of your character, ask yourself why that is. Do you have concrete examples? Who is telling you all this? Hatred is learned, not ingrained.

And look, just because equality is the thing we should strive for, that does not mean you constantly have to surround yourself with people who stress you. You don't have to hang around tumblr, you don't have to hang around loud, obnoxious people. But be aware that some of those loud obnoxious people might be your own family, or your friends. Really, questioning yourself on where this hatred is coming from is the best thing you can do.

Anger is like a gas stove that everyone has. A little bit of it can be motivating, useful to get something done. If you keep turning it up, pouring on the fuel, then eventually you're going to burn your life down, and as much as you'll want to blame other people, the only people actually at fault will be yourself. Just turn it down, stop feeding the flame so much. Look at your text when you go into serious anger mode up there and ask yourself if that's something you're proud of.

>>390280
That's the scary bit. When I'm not in those panicked blind rage spots, all you're saying makes sense. Of course people want respect like that, that's what people do. Of course there isn't a conspiracy against White Males. Of course no one's going to castrate me. I guess it just gets built up from encounters and such. Things have happened over the years that just built up that fear, and those fears boiled into hate and rage.

I guess this is sort of confessions so I'll just keep going from here. When I was 17, I remember getting a ride from a friend back to my house and I was really on a jokey high, and outside I saw three black kids fighting over a shirt. So, I rolled down the window and I said, 'girls, girls, please, it looks pretty on all of you. Just flair it up a bit and no one will notice they're the same.' It was just supposed to be like a joke on that old 'oh shit we want to wear the same thing to a social event and now we're fighting' joke about dresses and stuff... and it led to them chasing us with sticks and stones screaming RACIST CRACKA and getting more people to join in before we lost them after the traffic cleared out, and that guy was just so angry he dropped me off at a Gas Station nearby, and I had to call my parents to explain what happened. Everyone was looking at me and I was scared they'd recognize me until I got my ride and I wouldn't say the whole story to my parents.

Since then, I've been robbed and screamed at and shut down by black people I've tried to be friends with, and it boils up that event even more that black people aren't friendly, they aren't able to let go, and they're violent. And I know that's not true, that's not what they're like, I know good black people too. Good friends, great teachers, friendly police officers and the coolest damn shopkeep ever. But it's built and built and I can't get it out of my head.

Or the feminists. When I tried to socialize in college, it's just been disasters. I had a class with political issues of feminism, and for a study meeting, I got mad and angrily texted 'where the fuck is everybody, why you gotta keep not being where you said you were' because I didn't see them in the building I thought they were going to be. Turns out
1. They'd rescheduled and rechose the location without telling me, by accident they say
2. Because of my text I was reported to the Dean for threatening attitudes
And while the Dean at least saw this was just me frustrated at being kept out of the loop it all spread and suddenly I was the pariah. This was also going on when that Sinfest comic was going through its Sisterhood reboot and something I'd used as a funny joke for pastimes was also turning into a feminist self-hating inversion of itself.

And then I tried having a discussion about feminism in the cafeteria one time with a girl, and it just boiled over into her going that I was condoning her fears of rape and I wasn't sure what to say, so I tried to get away from that and go 'you know what, maybe we can find some common ground, you like public health care' she says yes so I go 'me too, I think that whether you're lame or sick you shouldn-' and she cuts me off and says 'don't say lame. that's ableist' and I was thinking WHAT, becuase I was just talking like you'd broken your leg or your arm and couldn't work, so I tried to double back and go 'okay, I meant that whether you're sick or you've broken your arm I-' and she screams 'I AM NOT A BROKEN PERSON!!!' and I fall from my seat and I don't remember what I said but that built into us getting seperated and I tried to talk about that phone incident to this other guy cooling down, and I was told that that's not okay to do either. I can't ever be angry with women, and eventually a good 60% of the people I knew wouldn't talk to me anymore after the dust settled, and I've been pretty much isolated at college these past two years.

So then around that time I guess my interests in porn and such also bled into BDSM and sadism, and it felt like I wanted to be that sort of guy that'd have that sort of relationship, and then online people are calling it harmful to women, and building on sexist stuff and whatever, and I don't know whether I'm being honest with myself or I'm just building on some internalized hatred of women or I'm just confused or I really am a monster and a big mixed up puddle of my relationships being a series of being cheated on, or learning midway through I was being the guy she was cheating on with someone else, and my trust of women as friends or lovers has gone all fucked up.

I worry if I give black people the benefit of the doubt they'll hurt me for it.
I worry if I give women a chance again I'll just lose more friends.

But really, all of that shit, I just want to tell whoever I can I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said things that got you into these reactions against me, I'm sorry I say things that seem prideful and entitled and hurt people. I'm sorry I take jokes too far, and can't make it right. And I just want someone to forgive me for it. I don't want this hovering as a mark on me anymore, and the worst part is I said all that to my parents and they just tried to sell Jesus on me. I don't want gods to forgive, I want people to forgive me. People I know, people I see understand that I fuck up, and i'm trying to be good, but I fck up and I worry that I can't find that... and I just want to hide from it all.

>>390281
>I'm sorry
It's okay dude. I know that pain you're talking about. I've had that. There are a lot of people in my life, I wish I could say that to. And I'll never get the chance. I can't ever have it; I can't force my own forgiveness on those that don't want to grant it.

As to the incidents throughout your life, there's something you have to recognize: you can't be part of every club. You can't yell at random people on the street and expect them to think that you mean well. Even if it is shitty when people exclude you from something, you can't get mad at them. Getting mad at them justifies their mental picture of you. You just have to keep on and find your own way. That didn't sound like a good class on feminism, or even on civil rights, and it is shitty when people purposefully uninclude you and then lie to you about the reasons. People often lie like that when they feel themselves uncomfortable about confronting a problem. Understand that many women are assaulted and molested, many of them have a real reason to fear men and a lot of them almost never get any forum or avenue to discuss that or air their grief until they get to those classes. And as admirable as it is that you wanted to understand and be included, you understand that even if you aren't the person who hurt them originally, you're wearing his face, y'know? It's okay to be angry at people, but if they make you angry, it's much better to simply not hang out or be around them. Do not give in to that temptation to be angry, and do not fuel it by trying to force uneasy co-existence. Be the bigger person, recognize you made a mistake, and try not to do it again.

Look, often the best thing you, as a white guy, can do, is just not mess with people. Leave them alone. You can't ever really know "the struggle" like they have lived the struggle every day of their lives. You're a tourist, I'm a tourist, even if we subject ourselves to that pain, it's a pain we have to interject into our lives, whereas it's a kind of pain that they can never escape; it's background radiation for them. Often, the best thing you can do to show support is to do nothing but silently cast your vote in the favor of equality. You can't ever join the club because white people still elbow you and say "those niggers", men still elbow you and say "those stupid cunts". And it's almost impossible to face those people down about those prejudices, because they aren't receptive to how fucked up they are yet. All you can do is simply move away from them, stop hanging out with them. Send the unspoken signal that something about them does not sit right with you.

It's alright man. Just understand your pain and work towards your goals. Just go about your business and try not to engage any of these people who you feel like are branding you. You can make amends later, but you have to stop feeding your own anger, and start trying to understand why other people might feel like this. And again, you don't have to hang out with them, that doesn't make you instant friends with everybody. But be polite, be respectful, and stand up for what's right when it is needed.

For far longer than it should have taken me, I thought this character's full name was Scotty Pippen.

I am scared that a good decade of kissing my petsand the odd inanimate plush has fucked me up.
What if I kiss a girl, and I get horribly confused?
where's the fur, I'll think.
Where's the harelip

>kissing my pets
da fuq?

>>391634
A lot of people kiss their pets...on the top of the head.
Which is probably as far as it should ever ever go.

>>391635
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U053dFcdW-U

test