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 Posting a reply to post #648

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648 No.648
All-purpose Twilight thread.


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Shit, you gotta hook us up. I... I feel I NEED to see it. Something deep inside of me needs to hear them give Twilight what-for.

...I think it's my penis.

Please make sure to announce it on steam when you show it sev (Im asuming its tv whoring 3 its going on)

And a reason for going on about her stupid truck:
It's Ironhide.

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No thread about stuff enjoyed by desperate teenage girls is complete without Makani.

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KNOW THIS: She can destroy us with merely a thought.

Meh pissing in an ocean of piss as they say.

I want this to happen. So, so much.

>Wants to infect 4chan with the brunt of Meyer's faggotreich
>Doesn't seem to understand that WE'RE NEXT


I don't think you seem to understand what would happen to these kids once they stumbled in. The majority of them will flock to /b/ as its fucking stink to flies with these kinds of twats. A few of them will be culled and warped by the occasional cp and gore picture and they will eventually be found out by over protective parents or whatever when they notice the kinds of pictures little dipshit has on their computer and the sites they've visited. Then after a few days some of them will be distracted by a common interest in another board and after a few failed threads, inability to adapt to the current high school crowd mentality and deserved or random bans they will be emotionally wrecked as any other faggot that complains about bans here and dissolve or mutate into something else. But for the last few they will be indoctrinated into the regular troll herd, their objective lost, their threads about as effective as a month old meme and addiction to some fetish porn they will either forget or become a hate fan like anyone else outside of those strictly fan sites because these are easily manipulated preteens who only want to fit in with some imaginary group that can’t see how physically repulsive they really are and only deal with their mental issues. You give these girls gay porn and they'll drop twilight like everything other old toy they got bored with.

But really this is only if the author wasn't a reactionary bitch who is too self absorbed by her apparently instant infamy and ego worship that she's too busy to do anything either than eat her own shit or roll in her money like a pig in mud.

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Okay. Let's make a deal. You keep your philosophy about that, and I'll keep mine... that throwing fuel on the fire can't be good for any corner of the internet, even our peaceful little +4chan mountain community of happy little stone-walled thatched-roof cottages with happy little chimneys and porches with old ladies and cute little corgis sittin' on 'em.

Well you're still making them out to be more than they ever could be but do as you will. They aren't some militant fetish group that throws itself into wherever it wants; they're fans that will bury themselves into holes specifically tailored to only praise the fandom and series. They'd have more of a chance finding and using 7 or some other major chan then this little community.

Just wait until they come out with the Twilight comic series.

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The pen is mightier than the lol.

Hey, Kosh! Quit riding on my coattails.

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...Dude, I dislike Twilight too but seriously relax. You're going to pop a blood vessel.

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I suspect that the Red Court vampires from the Dresden Files books will always be my favorite breed. They look like beautiful humans, but when they start to take damage their outer skin peels away and reveals their true forms: giant fucking bats whose bellies bulge out like mosquitos' when they've had too much blood. That's actually the best way to take them down: if you rupture their stomachs all the blood will spill out and drain them of their power. Not that the sun doesn't do a good job of killing them on its own.

Also, their saliva is a highly addictive narcotic. I LOVE THIS SERIES SO GODDAMN MUCH!

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I'm suddenly inspired to achieve greatness all over again.


* - Author must have no shame, capacity to write volumes of fluff, and ability to pander must be infinite.


I thought this was hilarious.


I'm not even a quarter down and I'm more entertained than I was by the actual movie.




>Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephenie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart.

Wins in the First sentence.

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  I don't hate twilight anymore. The parodies are too good.

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Vampires you say?

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Their love is so beautiful.

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>There's something achingly familiar about Daniel Grigori.

>Mysterious and aloof, he captures Luce Price's attention from the moment she sees him on her first day at the Sword & Cross boarding school in sultry Savannah, Georgia. He's the one bright spot in a place where cell phones are forbidden, the other students are all screw-ups, and security cameras watch every move.

>Even though Daniel wants nothing to do with Luce--and goes out of his way to make that very clear--she can't let it go. Drawn to him like a moth to a flame, she has to find out what Daniel is so desperate to keep secret . . . even if it kills her.

>Dangerously exciting and darkly romantic, Fallen is a page turning thriller and the ultimate love story.

tl;dr - This one is about angels. Which are basically how Meyer described her vampires.

Shoulda mentioned, it was brought up in the Penny Arcade news post on the 10th.

The fact the the woman on the cover is facepalming speaks on a lot of levels.


That's a 15 year old DevART user, not a woman.


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How Twilight Works:

No surprise the lame nerds who only read shit books are itchin' like crazy to talk about motherfuckin Twilight. It doesn't matter at all how much they hate it, they jsut love talking about it. I wonder why

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Bile Fascination. It's like a train wreck, you see. It's bad, we know we shouldn't be looking at it and we hate ourselves for looking at it. But we just can't look away.

Also, making fun of stupid shit is funny.


In one of the New Moon rage threads on Something Awful, someone said that, alternatively, you can interpret it as being in WoD, and that Bella is just a deranged ghoul of crazy Nosferatu Edward who thinks that he's some magical perfect sparkly vampire who is deeply in love with her.

And his Gangrel buddy Jacob occasionally comes around and he lets him feed off of her.

When it comes to vampires, I've always liked the way The Dresden Files handles it. In addition to the Red Court, which >>2339 described, there's the White Court, who are a race of half-human emotion eating vampires- they're born human and turn into a vampire around the time they hit puberty; the transformation occurs when they feed the first time, and the first feeding is always fatal. It's possible to prevent this from happening, however- one White Court vamp says that he wants his little sister to lose her virginity to someone she's in love with, because their family feeds on lust (by having sex) and is damaged by love, so having her first time with a loved one should stop her demonic Hunger from ever awakening. The three houses that have been revealed are Raith, Malvora, and Skavis. House Raith feeds on lust, and is the most commonly seen kind. House Malvora feeds on fear, and House Skavis feeds on despair. All White Court vamps have an unholy love for Xanatos Gambits- they never do anything directly, it's always done through clandestine channels and cat's-paws. In general, they're pretty damn cool.
Then there's the Black Court, which are classic vampires right out of Dracula, with all the inherent strengths and weaknesses- repelled by garlic and symbols of faith, can shapeshift, kill when they feed, and are most definitely not human. They're walking, talking corpses, complete with rotting skin and everything. The White Council, the governing body of wizards, actually convinced Bram Stoker to write Dracula so that everyone would know how to kill them, so now there's not many left- but the ones that are left are the most dangerous ones around. Dresden has to tangle with them a few times, and they're hellishly dangerous.
There's also a passing mention of a Jade Court, but they haven't come into play yet.

I agree. The unique take on vampires is one of the many reasons I love the Dresden Files so much.

When it comes to vampires, they should have a d12 HD, gaseous form as a spell like ability, turn resistance, and stat bonuses.


I may as well cross-post this here.

  I like this guy.

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I apologise for asking this in advance but, has Frankenstein's monster got the Twilight/Anita Blake treatment yet? If not then by god I think I know how to make some money this summer.

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I vote for now calling anything like that being "Meyered"

When you think about it, it wouldn't be that hard to romanticize.

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In the book, the monster's "components" were all chosen with handsomeness in mind, but together they were somehow disturbing. Though there was no mention of stitched-up scars covering its body, the monster always looks kind of dead, with yellowed skin and sunken eyes and dark lips and whatnot. Also, keep in mind that it was no lumbering brute: the monster was a veritable mountain goat in terms of speed and dexterity, and was a very fast learner (it learned how to speak and read French by hiding in a shed with some books and spying on the family next door).

o lawd, did I hear somebody mention Promethean: the Created?... Not really? O well.

Well a Frankenstein's Monster turned into a silly preteen girl moistening idealist fantasy icon wouldn't be too awful hard.

First, you'd need to find some means of origins that are both generally moral friendly and not too awful deep or meaningful. In Meyer's vampires, drinking human blood was optional. Being sewn up out of other bodies isn't FAAA BUU LOUS as an origin story. Is the creature a being of science, super science, or magic? Is it ethnocultural wanking, like a bonafide Hebrew Golem, or something public domain?

Third is figuring out what elements of a Promethean Creaure can be Meyerized to be "kawaii uguu." Sparkling vampires with super attributes and mental powers.

Second, The Promethean Boy and The Girl Reader's Avatar need some means of interaction. The age and status of this co-star does not necessarily have to depend on the age and status of the reader, though it's recommended to keep her young; the unhappily married mother of 3 will lust after Edward, but Julie McEveryTeen might not connect with a hunky monster hitting on a MILF. ("They're so faaaaat!")

My recommendation based on these parameters
Wee Chicks dig biblical references. We'll call him "Adam Kadmon," since even though it's technically blasphemy in the non-Western Abrahamic world, it's still a thing that affirms their faith. And thus, Jesus and America would approve.

For an origin story, something equally shallow and pseudo-interesting. A wicked stepmother or witch type character. We'll say she's an occultist/scientist with some gobbildygook, working for a pharmaceutical company as a Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne type figure.
Bitches like celebrities, too. So incorporating that, the experiment/project will try to MERGE ALL THE BEAUTIFUL GENES from ALL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT CELEBRITIES! That covers the namedropping and bloodline inexplicably to everything from Will Smith to Tom Cruise. Viola, I have created the son of -every celebrity-!

Adam is the best of everything, to exaggerated levels. He's a designer baby. That's his job. He's also mentally dull despite being hyper intelligent and emotional. So paradoxically he's unstoppable, and yet also fragile and needs help.

Maybe he escapes through force, maybe he stealths his way out like a reverse of Princess Jasmine wandering Agrabah. Through whatever means, he comes into contact with The Girl. "OMG HANDSOME HE HAS PUPPY BREATH HOT HE'S SO CUTE." Maybe they spend the rest of the book on the run from the Wicked Stepmother of Science, with The Girl teaching the manbaby about the world and helping him heal the emotional scars. Hell, maybe as they progress, she becomes the super special snowflake every readers knows themselves to be and learns magic.

To any writers capable of swallowing their integrity to write, publish and profit off of this, have at it.

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Wait... Did somebody say "Twilight version Frankenstein"?

Just make sure he isn't sitched together from the parts of others. Victor created all the organs but just made them a little bit bigger because he couldn't make them any smaller.

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